ADD and Hypersexuality | ADHD Information
Rae70,I giggled at your last response. you pinched my response. Snap! oh yea!
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I have no idea - my life has never run smooth 
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Dude, I'm WAYY more ADD then you
. HaHa, well smooth is a relative term.
shinsetu_hito38258.4372337963[QUOTE=shinsetu_hito]
What I wonder is, am I the only person who HAS to have some major stressful project going on to cope with life? When things are running smooth I fall into really bad, lazy habits and my life falls apart.
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I have no idea - my life has never run smooth
Wow,
I am relatively new to the forum. I know this is an old topic but I have to say that I have suspected that my struggles were related to the ADHD. I've been married over twenty years and have been guilt ridden over many of my feelings and yes even conduct during most of that time. I think Ritalin has helped reduce the struggle somewhat by keeping my mind less fleeting (I used to think that I had a lustful thought about every 5 seconds of the day). Age (I'm 42) may also have something to do with it.
Since I know that I gravitate to high emotion/risk behavior in accepted parts of my life, I guess it stands to reason I would have those urges in other areas as well. And there is no emotionally intense and riskier behavior for me (a strongly religious person) than playing with the fire of sexual taboos. The fight never has gone away and my biggest problem is that the high intensity of desire constantly pushed me to push boundaries. How I wish for the days of my early youth and a mind without memory of all I have put in there.
Just recently put on Conserta.xl. One thing it does for me is it makes me more focused on things, sex included. Like all others i enjoy the "Rush" thing. Now it seemsthat I am more aware of this rush and Whooa ! am I looking for it more. Watching ain't nothing like this. Yes it is also tension releaser but to me that is only a bit part
of the whole process. I enjoy the thought of, the doing of and the immediate time after with my sexual partner.
Ryan.
yes this is me lol i feel the same way and it makes my wife so made but i dont know what to do. but your noth the onlyone that feels this way at least thats what i thought untill know I think it is definitely related. I dated two very exciting, good looking A list men who turned out to be ADHD. They had typical thrill-seeking personalities and were massively focused on trying to get sex.
Unfortunately, this did not work out for me because whatever urges I might have had were completely stuffed b/c of my religious upbringing (no sex till marriage)--so, of course, I was dumped immediately. But, I have to say that I'm glad b/c I would have just been a casualty of theirs. Bummer to know that I wasn't really special; just filling a need/obssession. And, I sensed that I would not be enough somehow.
These are just the ones that I discovered were diagnosed. There are plenty of others whom I have suspected--my 1/2 brother, for one. He is not open to hearing about ADHD. But, he has the gambling, cigarrette smoking, daily pot smoking to unwind, brushes with cocaine, rage, an entrepreneur, multiple car wrecks, and has always been involved in twisted sexual things (living with 2 women and bringing them home for Christmas and acting like it was normal, for example) and he talks about it inappropriately. He and my dad talk to me like I'm one of the guys and just brag away about the grossest stuff--and I swear this 1/2 bro. almost hit on me one night too.
I definitely see them both as just lacking filters
and a sense of propriety or good judgement--probably impulse control
crap.When I decided to dump my religious stuff later, I found I that I did, indeed, get used.
I, too, have suffered some sexual abuse, physical and emotional/neglect abuse. Somehow, I don't hate or fear men (too much), but I am defintely wary of the guys who push for sex too soon and all the things they say to make me feel like I am being unreasonable.
Luckily, I have had one decent relationship where I didn't get used. I discovered his dependency on alcohol though and had to leave. Very sad. Isn't that also interesting? No one in my family is an alcoholic, yet I have a knack for gravitating to them.
In summary, I think I am about normal on the sex drive issue when I'm involved with someone even though I have forced myself to do without and not think about it cause self-love just doesn't interest me at all; seems boring and frustrating without another person there.
In my experience, ADHD men (probably women too) tend to be very exciting and charismatic and turn the charm on quickly, push for sex right away, freak out if they don't get it, and tend to disappear either way.
I don't know what it takes to keep an ADHDer interested. Maybe someone who is more of a challenge, more confident, and better looking than me? I'm told I'm beautiful, but I am always sure that it's not really true--that I'm just pretty enough to get used--that I'm not a "keeper." I have just always known that I probably am not enough to hold a guy like that. And, the less exciting ones are boring to me. So, I'm in a peculiar kind of hell. I'm starting to conclude that I must have been a womanizer in a past life and this is my payback. :o(
bluebird3838252.4230902778Your comments make me feel for my wife. I was and still am very religious. I was a virgin our wedding night, as was my wife. Imagine an unmedicated exceedingly ADHD 20 year old courting his wife to be. And I was not pushing for sex. We were both committed to chastity. But my imagination was uncontrolled ADHD. As you indicated, my hyperfocus was gone not long after we married. I had no idea that ADHD would have such an effect. It was years before we began to realize the situation. For what its worth, I still struggle mightily but things are not as out of control as they were in the early years of our marriage. I tend to think that an older ADHD person is less potentially volatile than a younger ADHD person. Or at least, you have a better chance of them having learned some coping mechanisms. It is true that I know no inhibitions (none at all) and that my wife has many, but I learned after many years of anger that no one in the world could satisfy my ADHD driven sexual imagination. I then was able to let go of the anger and try to be exciting and creative within her boundaries. My mind is still free to have imagined all sorts of "imaginery" four play. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I would like to think I'm not a complete wash as a spouse -- at least anymore.
Hey there,
With me, I think it has to do with being impulsive. I've cheated on every boyfriend I;ve had, even my current boyfriend, who I;'ve been livbing with for two years, and love with all my heart. With a stranger. People say things about how when girls cheat it's usually for revenge or to feel good about themselves, but with me, it's just silly fun. I feel bad after (sometimes, but don't dwell on it) then sleep with some other person. It's exciting (but selfish). I have lots of trouble not doing anything that's fun in the moment. I also compulsively gamble :), and lie about how much I lose.
Oh well. Good luck with your problem.
Yeah, I am not supposed to gamble according to my religious beliefs. Last year, business took me to Las Vegas. I've decided that Las Vegas and ADHD are a really, really, really bad mix. Bright lights, clanging coins, unmentionables etc...
I missed one of the meetings and all I could think about was putting in the next quarter. I am so glad I only took 0 and no cash card.
Hey Larry-
Sorry to hear about your insecurity in social situations, especially your marriage. Hope that works out well. How long have you been married?
What religious beliefs do you have? Just curious. I was raised very religious- Orthodox judaism, though I am pretty much a non- believer in anything more spectacular than electricity (I believe that if you turn a light on, and the wires are in the right places, stuff will light up). Gambling isn't prohibited by the religion, but gamblers are denied certain priveledges, such as bearing witness in jewish courts of law (which barely exist anymore anyway). Not sure what the exact reason is...Maybe it's assumed that gamblers are money grubbing bribe takers? Dunno...
Lauralie
Yea, that fits me to a T, which is why I'm upset about the adderall destroying my sex-drive. I struggled with porn for years and then I learned to use my mouse with my left hand. ;-|
What I wonder is, am I the only person who HAS to have some major stressful project going on to cope with life? When things are running smooth I fall into really bad, lazy habits and my life falls apart.
shinsetu_hito38254.5284490741This is an uncomfortable topic, and I apologize to anyone who is uncomfortable by this question.
Has anyone found any correlation with the above topic? This was one of the questions on the ADD questionaire at my doctors office, but I have not seen anyone else mention this before.
By hypersexual, I mean preocuppied with daydreaming about sex. Sexual impulsivity, significantly high sexual appetite, or the frequent viewing of pornography.
I have struggled with this for years and have found that the SSRI medication I am taking for my anxiety has helped with this problem. I want to know if anyone else with ADD has a problems in this area, or am I just a freak!
Thanks.
-JA
Sorry, no help here. I am hyposexual if anything. Glad to hear medication is helping you with this problem.
I have a high sex drive and I think it is related in some ways to ADD. I like sex because it helps me relax and if I haven't had any in a while it becomes the thing I hyperfocus on. Also, I crave variety in sex like in everything else due to my low ability to tolerate boredom. For instance, though I have a high sex drive, I wouldn't want to have sex every day at the same time and I like to try new things.
Well; as uncomfortable as it is; yes. Because having sex releases those endorphines in my brain, and calms me down. I don't know if I would say I am "hypersexual". I mean; being 50 has certainly slowed me down a bit, but the thought of having meds possibly interfere in my sex drive really worries me. It is a very important part of ....."sanity" for me.Like Tactile, Gr8art, DADwithADD and ADHDinBama (Welcome to the club), I agree that alot of it has to do with endorphins and feeling good when it comes to sex (and/or the fantasy of sex, a.k.a porn). I know that even though we are all men, and like many woman think "All men are dogs", I've never considered myself a dog.
I never wanted to "love 'em and leave 'em". I wanted to love 'em...love 'em again...then later that night...love 'em some more. I never had the desire to push away any girl I was having sex with. Nor had the desire to conquer the world. I was only interested in fantastic sex, that was passionate and full of emotion. I was also never into one night stands. I didn't enjoy the anonymity of one night stands. On occasion, I would even convince myself that I had stronger emotional feelings toward the girl which made sex more enjoyable for me. I had a need for this and a need to beleive the feeling was reciprocated.
Being that I enjoyed sex more with emotion (real or fictional), I don't know why pornography became such a weekness for me. I saw my first hardcore magazine in the summer before my fifth grade year. I was very excited by it and started to fantasize about sex almost constantly from that day forward. Yes, this was also the beginning of puberty, but I've always sensed that I fantasized about it more than my peers. Even throughout high school and until present day, I have always spent more time talking and daydreaming about it than others.
Unfortunately in my twenties, when I was driving around bored one night, I found an adult book store. They had those
This is why I'm content with the fact that the Paxil XR I am taking has helped immensily with my desire to view porn. I am married now and can't stand the idea of cheating on my wife in thought. Though I am married and the Paxil (SSRI) decreases sex drive and can even inhibit the ability to perform; I choose this over the every day interference of these thoughts. My wife's sex drive is significantly lower than mine, and is comfortable with sex only once a week. Even on the Paxil, I can handle once of week. The pro to this is that you last much longer, the con to this is sometimes you can't perform and/or you never reach a climax at all. However when you are able to reach a climax, because of the infrequency of it all, it can be much more rewarding both physically and emotionally.
Anyway, in trying to stick to the subject at hand, I think that the "feeling good" and "endorphins" theories are really onto something. My family has a history of alcoholism. Fortunately for me, my brush with alcohol was very short lived, as was my brush with gambling. So in short, I think that I may have an "addictive personality". I have a need to find external means of feeling good. Is this at all related to ADD? Is this a way of "self-medicating"? Is this part of the impulsivity?
[QUOTE=ja_add2004]This is an uncomfortable topic, and I apologize to anyone who is uncomfortable by this question.
Has anyone found any correlation with the above topic? This was one of the questions on the ADD questionaire at my doctors office, but I have not seen anyone else mention this before.
By hypersexual, I mean preocuppied with daydreaming about sex. Sexual impulsivity, significantly high sexual appetite, or the frequent viewing of pornography.
I have struggled with this for years and have found that the SSRI medication I am taking for my anxiety has helped with this problem. I want to know if anyone else with ADD has a problems in this area, or am I just a freak!
Thanks.
-JA
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I joined this forum just to reply to this post. I'm sure that I will learn many other things now that I'm here. Your hypersexuality description is right on. I was the same way!! I was a college frat boy that focussed on one thing. Having sex. Maybe you're thinking, "that's normal!" Maybe it was at the beginning. I'm 34 now and not much has changed. I'm married and when I'm not pawing at my wife, I'm looking at porn...and yes....masturbating! I really thought I was a head-case. Before I was married I always had to have a girlfriend. I loved many of them, but mostly it was about sex. When I was between girlfriends or if we were just apart for any length of time, I would "take care of myself" 4-5 times a day!! Nuts huh? I agree with a poster before me, that it may have been just trying to feel good. It could also be that it provided me with somewhat of a settled feeling when I was done. I really don't know, but many of my peers just don't seem consumed with thoughts of sex like I do. I think about it constantly. It is something I do well, unlike so many other aspects of my life. Maybe that is another reason. I FINALLY was diagnosed with ADHD after a bunch of tests with a psych. and a physician. I had looked for help SO many times before and never found the answer to the disfunction in my life. I am taking a time released 30mg aderol(sp?) in the morning and have started ramping-up on the mg dosage of Straterra that my doc prescribed. I am settling down somewhat and my sexual desires have, at least, subsided in such a way that I can direct my thoughts to other responsibilities. I have only been taking the meds a few days, but am optimistic so far about the way I feel. I take the Straterra at night because it makes me a bit sleepy. But, unlike the anti-depressants that other doctors were so eager to THROW at me, I find that my new meds allow me to "give a damn" so to speak. My desire to surf the net for porn has fallen on the totem pole, but I'm still a sexual creature and don't hate ALL of that about me. Heck, we're human. I really think that the hypersexuality is not all that different from the kind of activities that ADD and ADHD people tend to indulge. So, if you're nuts, then so am I!!!
ADHDinBama38140.6412037037Not knowing what we are using as a base for 'normal' I don't know if I'm 'hyper' or not. I think about it often, want it a lot, don't get as much as I'd like, and definately want more than my wife. Maybe I am 'hyper'... I think a big part of it is that we "ADDers" don't really feel good much of the time. So anything that makes us feel good is a plus worth thinking about and persuing.Like gr8art, I agree that sex releases endorphins and other chemicals in the brain that just feel good, darnit. I've often said the best medication for me is excercise. I might have to revise that; although I am currently single, my last dramatically sexually active relationship was probably also one of the more productive periods of my life. Unfortunately, because I couldn't commit, or pay attention, or remember things, or something along those lines, the relationship fell apart, which put an end to the sex, which, frankly, sucks. I've never been too comfortable with one night stands, and I haven't been in a serious relationship since, hence the whole subject is moot for me at the moment. Gosh, now that I am on meds, and understand the areas where I need support, maybe with a good sex life I could still become an astronaut
.Thanks everyone for your input.
-JA
From what I'm percieving so far; it seems that the "sexual hyperfocus" problem may not be just an ADHD problem. The whole world is revolving with a sex drive. I think it's put everyone on hyperfocus. We are bombarded constantly with it. I too am pre-occupied with it. It is constantly on my mind. I've been married for 24 years, and have always been "physically" faithful to my wife. Sometimes I tend to let myself off the hook with this "focus of sex" by attributing it to being a "marital aid". The older I get; the older I feel; and the more depressed I get; the more I long for youthful feelings. Living in a world that advertizes "woody" medicine; birth control patches; and genitile herpes medicine; along with Victoria's Secret wear pretty much can keep a man pre-occupied with sex. Sex is a huge part of marriage; and I am terrified that age will make it a rare occasion. I really don't want to consider Viagra. Being that the most prevolent sex organ is ones mind (or soul); I would want to keep my mind in good shape by having a healthy attitude towards it. (In other words; stay "mindfully" faithful as well) Does that make sense?
By the way; tanning helps too! My wife and I both feel sexier and healthier when we are dark. Isn't that strange? 
ja_add2004,
This feeling good and the need to be loved makes us so vunerable as ADDers Eh!. I can relate totally to everything that is posted here. I am the son of a man who was a Binge Alcoholic and I went through the full gamit of trying all sorts of chemicals, Sexual Fantasy kept me going in a relationship for many years when my partner, whose libido was very low. We parted and found more appropriate life partners. I still have a healthy Fantasy interest but it is limited to more conventional activity. You mentioned addictive personality, yes i can relate to that and mixed with impulsivity we have a reason ADDers are more suseptable to exiting things, Sex included.
well i have to say that i'm in the boat right along with you i'm 34 now and still want need it just as much now as i ever have. The way that i look at sex has changed a lot over the years but no my desire for it. I can relate to the porn thing to very much so and it has given me more than one fight with girlfriends i must say. They don't seem to get it and i can explain as much as i would love to. As for not wanting to do the same thing again again well i have that problem as well. The self greatification well yer i have that to 5 -6 times a day sometimes.
I have not long been on my medication a bit over a year now i think i hoped that it would fix things a bit faster than it has. I never thought to look on the net for somthing like this forum. I was always to busy looking for porn.
I have just broken up with my girlfriend after 3 1/2 years i do love her still and would like to work things out. one of the big things she did not like was the always looking at porn thing. I wish i could get her to read some of what is on this forum it might have helped.
being that i'm a bit new to this ADD thing i never realised how much of an effect it had on my life, relationships and everything. I never would have guessed that the constant need for different things sexually could have been anything to do with it all.
i also have to say that i did not know that so many woman had it too in my day to day dealing of this so far it seems to be a male thing.
As much as i have a great emagination i have to say that the idea of asking for something that i want has always been a hard thing for me to do.
orac38211.4221412037Sex has always been a sensitive topic for me....I was sexually abused as a very young child and then went on to go through puberty at a very early age. My mom made me feel very ashamed about it, as if I was trying to turn myself into a whore. Guys made me feel embarrassed when I let them know I was interested and they didn't feel the same. So, I haven't had much to do with it. I feel like girls just get used unless they're married and even then they get used because their husbands just end up losing interest and turn to porn or another woman, or both. I feel like it's a losing battle. I don't know if this is ADHD related or not. I'm very interested in sex but I just hold the desire down until it passes.
The Humble cheeky
Cheeky,
I was an incest victim. Coupled with the ADD and burying most of my family in the last 20 years, I am a train wreck. Therapy (and meds) are helping. I strongly recommend it.
At first I thought my hypersexuality was genetic (I was like my brothers in a way). Then, I realized it was because it was the only way I felt loved or cared for. It was also my 'value' and place as a woman. Weird and twisted, but I have come to realize that I really don't believe someone can love me just as me.
Ok, there was the endorphines and euphoria of feeling normal. So, like I said, there is a triad of problems to untangle. Being here is part of the treatment :)
Well, I would definitely say I am hypersexual - to the point of it bordering on sexual addiction. I say border because I've been smart enough to keep from engaging in the risky behavior that sex addicts do. And I think it is tied to ADHD. After all, it's the endorphin rush that does it for me.I just recently started Strattera and grudgingly, I will say it helps. Partially because of the impulse control, but also because the stuff MAKES YOU IMPOTENT!!! I guess it's a mixed bag.
I tried Welbutrin earlier, and that actually made my hypersexuality worse.
sumiah.........sounds like me. Don't know what I am going to do about "pleasing me" since the kids are off for summer vacation. YUCK!!! Oh well, just have to be sneakier about things now I guess.
I had a ex who I wouldn't go near with a 50 foot pole for the last 5 years of a 11 year marriage. Now new hubby (almost 3 years) is almost scared of me. LOL
Okay i think it does. I love sex. I have a very high sex drive. But my thing is that i use it to relive stress. I have a problem with one night stands and things like that because i like to have the touch or the compation and then no comentment. That way i never get board with them. I get bord with the same thing over and over.
I am now married and haveing a hard time not getting bord with my husband. I just do not know how to tell him this.
Any help with be very good.
Kristin
i totally didn't read all the posts before page two or something ..(geez why is that? LOL)
so i forgot to chime in on the 'pleasure thy self' topic.
ok : so yeah pornography is like flame for any moth male of female. i never really viewed porn.
but hey i have recently viewed some.
tell me guys....is there a real quality gap btwn what you see online vs. what you would see for instance in something you actually purchase? please fill this clueless girl in. don't want to ask my husband..i'm really just curious...
anyway
i once had a discussion with one of my male friends..also adhd..and we compared notes about helping ourselves out and going solo.
i beat him hands down on number of times per day. <pun intended..so if i wasn't married maybe i wouldn't have to do that so much
but since i am it keeps me faithful
sumi
Well,
Sumi, You are a busy mom, that poor guy, i can just see him sitting, thinking, where does she get the energy. Hubby, kids, home and she still is coming back for more. Sumi the world needs more people like you.
Nice one Sumi,
You are a real rogue and the world needs more of your sort.
Upward Bound there you are, now the men and women agreeing on something,
What's going on, have i missed something, as usual, o well, lets keep it up.
Back to you guys.
This is a hard one for me, cause I can sometimes get down right mean trying to manipulate the situation. When I step back I do feel bad about this, but still it don't help being stuck on wanting. My mind I guess just does not accept the notion of giving up.
You know, I was really really hesitant to post this question originally in fear of appearing like a freak. I have to say, this is somewhat comforting to know that there is yet another aspect of my life in which I am not alone.
Now at 31, I look back on my days in high school. I wish I had paid more attention to the hyper scatter brained girls who often daydreamed in class and misplaced things. Had I been able to identify all you ADD girls back then, we would have probably had a BLAST. We'd have a REAL excuse for not getting our homework done! Was'sup? (Very evil grin...)
Then again, it's probably a good thing I didn't know.
-JA
I too am on the "hyper" side. My husband has told me that I am a nympho. He said he has never had as much sex as he has until he met me. We have been together 3 years now and still are acting like newlyweds. Just being a bit sneakier nbow since my daughters are getting older...I'm Jealous...I was going to post something. But after reading what the ladies have said here, I can't think of anything appropriate!
Well, I'm off to a nice cold shower.
Enjoy your cld shower
Chazinmo,
One of the things i do when i'm hyper i just soak them bones in a cold bath! Whooah it sure changes things. Catch you later.
NightStar,
I can relate to the pain of that change in sexual activity. It does hit at the core of the relationship, for me also. The words and the hugs are good and can remind me that i am lovable. Our experience seems to be common enough at certain stages of relationships. It is amazing how it eats into to my esteem.
dammit my post wiped out.
ok
so i'm practically a nympho most days. when i was younger i was much like nightstar nearly weeping when my man said "no" that quickly turned into my legendary comment that haunts me when i'm exhausted these days as a mom with fulltime job and tons of responsibility : "its NEVER TOO LATE FOR SEX BABY"
lol
i too nightstar have always wondered whether sexual molestation, rapes, and adhd have contributed to my messed up sexuality.
(you guys can read my 'relationship' post if you care to get the full pic of it..but i'm sure you are all sick o' my posts)
i feel like a totally kinky pervert most of the time. i think i'm dirtier than most men. and probably most women.
yeah.
i'm a surburban wife.
LOLLLL
sumi
Have always been driven. But figured it was from other issues, sexually abused as a child, and became sexually active early on in life - many partners over the years. I have been diagnosed with being Bi-Polar w/ ADD. Now I am married and have been tested (clean). I am personally driven to justify that I am loved. Use to have sex like 3 x per week if possible. Now it is like 3 times per month. I actually take it as rejection no matter how much I know I am loved, and I actually feel physical discomfort if I have gone too long between periods of having sex that it hurts, so I am all the more driven to have sex. I do seek my own relief quite often. I figure that I am doomed, what am I to do with myself if I am no longer able to have sex, to me that is a personal death sentence.
Well, can u believe this, I am a 29 yr old who as to struggle to have a physical realtionship with my hubby at times and the there are othe times when it is no struggle for me at all!
Hyper--no
wish I was--yes
upwardbound
Yes, hypersexuality. A big problem. For myself, I consider it aform of procrastination.
Mark
definately think about it A LOT!!! I thought my wife had a problem because she didn't want it as often as I did. Maybe it's me.
As for Straterra, it's made this 39 y/o guy act like he's 19 again!! One night it went SEX-watch CSI (an hour) - GREAT SEX - go to sleep late - wake up early for Great Sex again!! A few weeks ago our child was with relatives, every night at least once, and I could have gone for more (didn't want to wear her out)
I'm not trying to brag (OK maybe I am) but Straterra has definately NOT had a negative impact on my sex life!!!
ok, so this is my first time posting here. hi everyone
i initially came to this website b/c of the posting board. i've been looking for information on sexual side effects from strattera.
then i came across this topic and it piqued my interest.
i am a 20 (almost 21, yay!) year old girl. i was diagnosed with add when i was in 3rd grade. i was on ritalin for 4 years and then was taken off it when i got sick in 7th grade. since then i've been medication free. i recently noticed an increase in problems with add during school and work, so i went to the doctor who put me on strattera. started on 40 mg for 3 days, then went to 80 mg a day. can't do the 80 at once or it makes me sick. i've been on it for about 3 weeks now.
i was told by the doc that it'd take a good month before i notice any change. i have noticed increased attention, which is good. what i want to know however, is if anyone else has experience and inscrease in your sex drive. specifically females.
so i of course took interest in this post. i have had a high interest in sex for many years. moreso than most of my friends. however, i am a virgin. so it makes things interesting. and i've never been in a sexual relationship. so it has been interesting to feel i have an even higher sexual drive in the last couple of days, which is completely not normal. i'm equating it to being on strattera b/c i am on no new medications and have not had any sort of lifestyle change. i hope someone out there agrees with me or has some input. thanks!