Hopeful Mom - we had a simlar situation in which our son was being bullied but was not being believed by the teachers. We did believe him as there were injuries to prove his statements. It turned out that our son was actually being harrassed by several boys, who eventually admitted it to the principal at school It was so awful.
Our son takes karate and we set down the following rules when being bullied:
The first time somebody hits you, tell them it hurts and to stop. Seek adult help immediately. If adult help is not available, and they hit you again, we will support you if you hit back.I know that hitting back isn't very well accepted any more, but his snow boots had been thrown in a field during recess, he had small sores on his sides where the boys had poked pencils in his side during class time, etc.
We moved him to another school since it had gotten so bad and we felt we were not getting appropriate support from the staff. The new school and staff have been much better, but it just seems that our son becomes a target for bullies.
Last month, one boy started hitting him. My son used his blocking techniques from karate to stop the hits and never hit back. After a several attempts, the boy stopped and my son asked him 'Is that the best you've got?' That was the end of it. The other boys who were watching patted him on the back and told him how tough he was. He felt great that he had avoided a fight, had not gotten hurt, and had gained some respect of the other boys. We were thrilled to be able to congratulate him on handling the situation so well.
Hi everyone! My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD, depression, andtrichotillomania(hair pulling). He was in a stressful classroom last week-they had a sub who couldn't control anything. He began making threats to the other kids. This caused a great deal of upset with parents(understandably). I have given him some consequences and the school will as well, but I'm going to give him a clean slate at home. He recently went through a lying period and therefore no one believes him now. He says there's a boy who punches him at school, but the principal doesn't believe him. I told him that we are going to believe him from now on (unless of course he gives us reason not to) I am praying for him and with him that he will be protected and able to control his behavior. He is on straterra and zoloft. I want to help him develop the tools to handle these situations. I don't really have a question-but feedback is welcomed! God bless!
Hi Hopeful,
You don't say how old your son is, or how long he's been on his medication. It sounds like he's had a really tough go of it! Does he have friends at school? Or at least an ally? I wonder if you could check in with a kid you trust about the punching incidents. I hate to think he's being bullied and no one believes him. The good thing is that the school year is almost over, so he can build some self confidence and skills over the summer. For all kids with ADHD, it's not enough to know what they shouldn't do. They need to practice the things that they should do, so they have the skills ready when they need them. This is called social scripting. It's a little different than roleplaying, but is basically the same idea. So when he gets in a situation like with the subsitute teacher, he has rehearsed a way to behave when he starts to feel overwhelmed... For instance, if he likes to draw, he could script a situation where when things get chaotic, he sits down and draws... even if it's a hyperfocus thing. Better to get in trouble for drawing at the wrong time than for threatening other kids... Of course it would have to be something that he likes to do... it would also be great if you could get the principal on your son's side of things, considering all that he has to deal with. Hope this helps.
Maybe you could have something written into his 504 or IEP about substitute teachers. When I worked in the public schools there were some students who didn't go into the classroom when there was a substitute. There were also some students who had specific information written into the sub's packet.
Just the change of the regular teacher not being there can really throw students with AD/HD and othert differences off track. When the sub does not have control of the classroom that isn't fair to students. A choatic environment is not a good place for a student with AD/HD.
Stevemom,
Ask your son's doctor for a referral to someone. If he fights you about going, remind him that no one has to know but that you love him and are not giving him a choice.
Hopefully, someone else will have some suggestions on getting him to go to therapy!
Hi, I am new here and I also would like information about trying to build self esteem. My son is 12 and going into 7th grade. He has no friends and has become very shy and says he has anxiety. He told me that while we were watching a commercial for some medication. I had no idea. He doesn't want to see a psychologist, but I hink he might need to see someone. I don't know how to get started. Please help if you have any ideas. thank you
Carol.
Hi,
I'm not sure where you live, but when our son was experiencing a lot of social problems, we enrolled him in a social skills class at a local hospital that has a behavioral medicine program. It was six weeks with boys his own age learning to do things like take turns, organize and participate in games, etc. It really helped. Just a thought.
My name is Nancy Mades and I'm a writer for ADDitude Magazine, a magazine for people with AD/HD and parents of kids with AD/HD. I'm working on a story for our back-to-school issue on how to help your child start a new school year on a good note if last year was a complete bust.
For background, I got the idea from my own experience as the mother of a boy, now 12, with AD/HD, and a girl, now 10, with ADD. My son had a horrific experience in second grade, both academically and socially. It took three months of summer and alot of "coaching" to get him to walk into third grade not feeling like a loser.
I'm looking for parents or educators who have either experienced something similar or who have a child who is finishing a terrible year in school and would be willing to talk about the fears and anxieties that accompany a bad year. I do not have to use your real name.
If you are willing to help me with my story, please reply by private email to: nancy.mades@verizon.net
Thank you,
Nancy Mades
Hi, Nancy. My son has had a terrible year this year in grade four. As he has just been dx with ADHD/ODD....it was very difficult for all because no one really knew what the problem was. His self esteem is very low and he has anxieties and depression...and I believe it was from everyone, including us his parents...not knowing how to handle a child with ADHD because we didn't know. Even though I always knew something was just not quite right. I have taken time off work to help him through the summer trying to build up his self esteem. If you want more info from me I'd be more than happy to help.