Hi, I got adhd, and I got a big problem. Ive never really had a problem with my adhd, but recently I have, since I got with my girlfriend. When we have sex sometimes I can go for an hour or two, and other times it might be more like a minute or two. The problem is I just cant concentrate. Sometimes I can concentrate and do really well, because I count in my head while im doing it. It helps me stay on task. But sometimes she just really really really gets me turned on, and I cant. I dont take medicine, cause I have kept my job for 2 years, go to school, and have my own apartment, I handle it pretty well. But this, I honestly cant. I used to take medicine, but I dont anymore because of some of the side affects which I really didnt like, one of which was sex, it made it hard to have sex sometimes, another was a social phobia I kinda developed. But either way, I got a problem, and really really really really need some help. I got most of my life in line. But this is really really messing things up. Is there anyway to combat this?
Jete- wait for someone who is in a similar situation to answer. They'll be responding soon enough...Take advice from someone who has been there. I am just quoting the sex grandma from Oxygen, you know, prepackaged answers for difficult problems, Sue Johansen. She answers questions. She is a nice sex grandma. Oh, and be glad your girlfriend really really really turns you on. Things could be worse!Jete - I can totally relate!
During sex before meds, I had serious delayed ejaculation (the technical term - opposite of premature). My problem was like you - you need to be able to focus on the situation at hand to achieve orgasm! Sounds great unless you're the one getting lots and enjoying none.
At one point I was making my gf so worried she wasn't attractive enough for me that I was faking orgasms!
On my dexedrine at first I found what you did - zero erection, no libido. It was only short-term though - less than a month I think. Back to normal and I can be as quick as the next guy! LOL
I have social phobia (don't travel into big crowds) with or without meds so I would think it just might have been the ADHD. Maybe a different med would help? There are so many to try now.
It really helps you stay on task whatever it is. Also, you could try talk therapy? It helps sometimes to get new ways to deal with old situations and noone is better than a licensed therapist for that!
Good luck buddy - I've been there for sure!
Glen
Don't be shy about speaking to a doctor. Maybe there is something a doctor could do for you if you are not shy.Hi, I got adhd, and I got a big problem. Ive never really had a problem with my adhd, but recently I have, since I got with my girlfriend. When we have sex sometimes I can go for an hour or two, and other times it might be more like a minute or two. The problem is I just cant concentrate. Sometimes I can concentrate and do really well, because I count in my head while im doing it. It helps me stay on task. But sometimes she just really really really gets me turned on, and I cant. I dont take medicine, cause I have kept my job for 2 years, go to school, and have my own apartment, I handle it pretty well. But this, I honestly cant. I used to take medicine, but I dont anymore because of some of the side affects which I really didnt like, one of which was sex, it made it hard to have sex sometimes, another was a social phobia I kinda developed. But either way, I got a problem, and really really really really need some help. I got most of my life in line. But this is really really messing things up. Is there anyway to combat this?
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An hour or two eh? Man, that's pretty good stamina. I've never come close to that lol. Are you sure you aren't just fine? Are you concerned that you aren't superman anymore? Damn, now I'm embarrassed.
Hey Jete..
An hour is a long time...Lol..I would be like..get on with it.
Jete,
I usually avoid these types of posts but I need to respond to this one. I think you need a woman's point of view here.
If she loves you, she is not keeping track. Sometimes short and sweet is much nicer as long as it isn't always that way. Frankly, I would rather have my hubby enjoy himself and not worry about impressing me all the time. Variety is the spice of life and the same ole, same ole gets boring.
Tell her she is so hot that you can't control yourself. I would definitely take it as a compliment in her shoes.
Have you tried doing it again a while later? Sometimes that works and you can take your time then.
I hope you understand what I am saying. I am a bit embarrassed here. I'm quite modest when it comes to some things and definitely not comfortable sharing things like this in a public forum.
Don't panic. Women look at things differently from men. Show her love and respect all the time, even when you aren't trying to get her into bed and she will love you for who you are and how you make her feel about herself and your relationship. Women are not generally as focused on sex as men are. She may not even think you have a problem in that area. Ask her.
[QUOTE=GoBigOrange]If you go an hour or two, then I don't want to hear any complaints dude. [/QUOTE]
Hey, it's not like he has CONTROL of how long or when! That would be stamina - and would be great.
The problem is - when ADHD interfere's with the mechanism it's like - she's wanting you off her, your knees are sore and you find cramps where there shouldn't be. You really, REALLY want to finish and rest but it doesn't happen.
It's not as nice as it sounds. I've gone half hour, hour or more before I just give up and hope next time is better.
You can tell the guys who haven't found this problem by the "I'm envious" posts. It sucks believe me.
If you go an hour or two, then I don't want to hear any complaints dude. I was only kidding. Next time I will use the Emoticon.Sadly waiting kinda messes it up. Since im unable to control how myself it feels really good and thus I have to keep stopping so that I dont finish. Sometimes during it I figure something out and I can end up doing a good job but with a very very slow and rough start. We talk about it like all the time. You all have actually helped me a great deal. I told her about this website and what ive been saying, and she seemed very happy and a little later... good things happened. Im not sure if it is fixed or what. You know how the add goes. Sometimes you cant, sometimes you can. Either way you all have been a great help. If nothin else it was nice telling someone else other then her about the problem. Someone suggested calming down by taking deep breaths... besides the fact that my girlfriend noticed me taking deep breathes that worked very successfully, I only hope it continues. Thanks again.
Hi, I am the girlfriend, I think you guys got the wrong idea. ok yes he can go for an hour or more WHEN things are working right. Yes we can go for a while but it is a slow process. He says that i turn him on so much that we have to keep stopping. He can't keep his concentration for long periods of time. Like one you said girls don't care that much as long as it doesn't happen all the time but when you are trying to be romantic and make love not just have sex it does matter that you have to keep stopped because the volcano is about to errupt. Also this does happen more than just a few times. I mean everything else is awsome and it works for a while but like i said he can't keep concentration for long periods of time. Also we tried using condoms but he has a phoebia about rubber. He has also tried pleasing himself before hand but both things bring us to another problem, that he doesn't want to stand at salute. I love my boyfriend very much and i am willing to work with him i just don't know how.As a woman, it never really mattered to me whether my man came quickly or not. It was a loving act, either way.
I once had a diabetic bf who thought he had to prove himself by lasting a long time. It seemed like an ordeal to me, because it wasn't spontaneous.
There are lots of ways to make love....not just intercourse. I really never kept track of duration, just sincerity.
hi,
two points on this:
one is, I had a boyfriend who had that "problem" - and, although he does have ADD, and knows I have it, we never talked about that as being the reason. I never minded when it was faster, though - my attention span during sex is (like most other things) very changeable and unpredictable! I never made the connection that it could be an ADD thing (he also was unmedicated at the time), but I always said (and meant it) that it didn't bother me, and in fact I often find myself not focussing, and even getting bored during sex!
So the second point would be that (with a different guy now, for almost a year, who I find incredibly hot) I often find myself not able to focus at ALL, sometimes needing to stop and wait a bit, etc. - it would be cool if being unfocused during sex = I instantly get an orgasm! But sadly, no. Maybe because I'm not a guy? I've apologised for it, and I get the same response as I had been giving - no problem! So we basically just are, well, we keep going until we're both "done" or one of us can't focus/stay awake anymore.
So, especially if she's already shown she's patient about it, you could talk to her some more and see what she would like to do differently - if anything. More foreplay? (might get you more focused, too) Doing... stuff... for her after you've "finished"... etc. - whatever you are both comfortable with. Establishing good communication during sex (if you haven't already - it sounds like you're close if not there already) is super important.
[QUOTE=GarbagePailKid]Oh, and be glad your girlfriend really really really turns you on. Things could be worse! [/QUOTE]
Tellmeaboutit!
Me and mine haven't played hide the worm in nearly three years. I don't even think we any longer capable of playing.
I agree floof...and I'd like to hear from others. My sexual experience is limited to....well, my sexual experience!
"How long is long enough?" Well, that is a very individual question. And sexual compatability is about both people being in synch....not one partner doing it "wrong" (i.e., not long enough or not frequently enough or not enough foreplay or too much foreplay).
Is orgasm the 'goal' of making love? Maybe I'm naieve, but I never thought of sex as particularly goal oriented. I don't think I could handle the pressure if I thought about it that way.
Maybe this is too graphic....but if my partner gets his and is too tired to go on, I'm just pretty pleased that he is satisfied, and happy that I was there to help! Of course, if he rolls over without showing a little gratitude, I might feel like a 'ho'.
Sometimes I think there is too much publicity about sexual technique and simultaneous orgasms and 'learn the one move that will drive your man crazy'. I'm not suggesting that your concerns are without basis, Jete and GF, just that... I don't know, maybe you're both putting too much pressure on yourselves?
[QUOTE=Jete]Hi, I am the girlfriend, I think you guys got the wrong idea. ok yes he can go for an hour or more WHEN things are working right. Yes we can go for a while but it is a slow process. He says that i turn him on so much that we have to keep stopping. He can't keep his concentration for long periods of time. Like one you said girls don't care that much as long as it doesn't happen all the time but when you are trying to be romantic and make love not just have sex it does matter that you have to keep stopped because the volcano is about to errupt. Also this does happen more than just a few times. I mean everything else is awsome and it works for a while but like i said he can't keep concentration for long periods of time. Also we tried using condoms but he has a phoebia about rubber. He has also tried pleasing himself before hand but both things bring us to another problem, that he doesn't want to stand at salute. I love my boyfriend very much and i am willing to work with him i just don't know how.[/QUOTE]
Are you really sure this is not normal? What's wrong with stopping for a while?
This is Jete. I like your point.Thanks for the help everyone. But the problem isnt that I 'cant' ejaculate. Its that sometimes while we are doing it, and when I can concentrate, I can go for a really long time and be in total control of ya know... my equipment. But when I cant concentrate Im in almost no control over it, thus ya know like 3 or 4 minutes. Its my attention really. Im wondering if there is a way to have control over it all the time. Especially during sex, cause thats the only time it ever bothers me. As for my girlfriend, she is sooooo patient with me sometimes... like when I finish in a couple of minutes, but I dont wanna treat her like that, I wanna give her a good run. When I can concentrate I count and that keeps my concentration going. But like I said the whole problem is a lack of concentration. I dont really think I need to see a doctor cause I think they will just recommend medicine. But Im asking if there is any... technique... to holding concentration. Im running out of things to try.Ah - Jete.. I see!
Totally different problem
I have read that the only good way to ensure good control of ejaculation whether ADD or not is to get yourself off a short while before expecting sex. Or you can double a condom and remove sensitivity.
I suppose you could think of nuns and dead cats until the ADD obsesses over it LOL (that's of course if those things dont' turn you on! ROFL!)
Good luck buddy. I'd rather have what you have honestly.
By the way I dont really get tired while im doing it. I really really really enjoy doing it so me being tired or sore or whatever is never an issue. Its always mechanical difficultys. Thanks again for all the replys by the way. Its greatly appriciated.