Two teenagers | ADHD Information
In September I am marrying a woman whom has one child with ADD and another with ADHD. The boys are twins and age 14. I am trying my hardest to learn about ADD and ADHD so I can better relate to the kids. Trying to be a step-dad to teenagers is hard enough, but not knowing how to react when one of the children has a melt down makes it even harder. Discipline is the hardest, because it never seems that we can make the punishment stick. I have started using things I have read on this site and others to help defuse situations and it has greatly helped. Any advise would help.
Well new dad the one thing I would try really hard at is fine all the little things they do well and praise praise praise them. Being positive with them might make things easier for all of you. Like you said being a step-parent is hard enough.
I have a almost 13year old boy and it takes all my strenghth not to notice the bad behavior. But the more I notice the little things and thank him and tell him how proud I am of that thing the more he does.
I wish I had all the answers but if I did I wouldn't be reading here everyday.
Hang in there! Your not alone.
djsmom
There are some books written specificlly about teens with AD/HD.
http://www.livingwithadd.com/booksteens.shtml
livingwithadd38136.9865046296Whether or not the boys have a good relationship with their natural father, you should try to build a great relationship with them yourself. Try to find things to do with them that they enjoy so you can bond. Once you have a relationship started, these "men only" times may give them the confidence and the opening to share information, get your perspective, etc.
I have only raised a daughter through the teen years but I remarried when she was 10 and she resented her step father trying to parent her. He didn't understand that he needed to bond with her and give her a reason to trust him, and a reason to accept discipline. She had to see that he cared and wasn't just shoving his weight around. It was interesting to see their relationship develop over the years, to say the least!
No matter how hard you try to do the right thing, the boys will have to accept you as a person who cares aabout them before they will accept any discipline from you. They may be trying now, but they are on their good behavior. After the wedding is when things will start to get interesting unless you work on bonding with them now.
I won't say to forget the ADD and ADHD, but I will say that you have to create your own unique relationship with them or it won't matter how well informed you are about anything.
That said, congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I think it is really great to see you trying to find out what it takes to be a good father and not just assuming it will all work out! Hurray for you! 
Barb