I am getting married to my best friend and he has ADHD. We have lived together for two years and in those two years, I have gotten the brunt of his nastiness, cruelty and sarcasm. It all seems to be directed at me and it's killing me. This is my second marriage - my previous one was very abusive and this is dredging up a lot of scar tissue. I cry myself to sleep every time there is an "episode". He is almost 50 years old and was only recently diagnosed with this. I convinced him to go to anger management and he just started taking Straterra.
If there is someone out there that can help me cope, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks so much.
[QUOTE=Dollyaim]
We have lived together for two years and in those two years, I have gotten the brunt of his nastiness, cruelty and sarcasm. It all seems to be directed at me and it's killing me.
Why are you marrying someone like that? I would wait and see what his behavior was like after the meds and therapy.
Take my word for it. The behaviors which are tolerable now will be a nightmare for you after he feels secure in a marriage. A man who is abusive before marriage will get worse, not better after marriage. You deserve better.
This is a bit familiar to me, except I'm the ADD one. Straterra wasn't much help for me. Lexapro took away my edge and joint counseling was great (maybe essential).
Ask your self can you handle how he is since you have lived with him for two years because you cannot change anyone, people do not change. If you can live with it then except it because you know what you are getting yourself into. If you still wish to marry him try counseling before and after. It also sounds like the behaviors are bothering you from past history therefore it may not be a good choice.Jillette38567.5213310185
Don't even think about marriage until He has changed.
He himself has to make the changes, for himself. With out the desire for change...it can't happen.
If you marry him as he is...You are setting yourself up for failure.
Get counseling!
Sorry I would like to give you hope, but....
DOLLYDolly, I have to concur with everyone here.
No one should ever marry someone expecting them to change.
Ask yourself if you are willing to spend the rest of your life with this treatment...or worse, as barb mentioned.
Stop worrying about HIM...and start worrying about yourself! At the very least, go for premarital counseling...and if he won't go, then go by yourself. I think you need to understand the reasons you would consider marrying someone who is abusive....but moreso, why you have a pattern of doing so.
Life can be better....even if you end up alone!
With all due respect to some of my brethren giving their heatfelt advice to dump your love, I would fall on the side of give him some time to acclimate to the strattera. Although it didn't work for me it may for him.
I would however agree that you should postpone the wedding for at least 6 months. I say that because after 3 months, if he is ADD and just faking improvement you should see clear and obvious signs he's failing.
Do encourage him to get the help needed. Do be there when he falls - as long as you see him try.
Be prepared to walk if after 6 months you are at square one. Also walk if he is physically or mentally abusive to you. No disease, especially ADD can excuse that kind of thing.
Be patient - just be aware and ready to leave if you must. I needed my woman to leave me for good before I got help. Hopefully your mate will not wait for the worst to happen. Good luck to you.
DUMP HIM.
TOO MANY RED FLAGSS
UM, sarcasm and meanness sounds like his way of dealing with his confusion and lack of focus. If he is really adhd, with treatment this can be removed. GO WITH HIM TO THE DR AND TELL THE DR HOW YOU FEEL... at 50 it seems hopless, but then I am 35 and it seems hopless for me, and it is not. ADHD'ers will seem so joyous around new people that stimulate them. the dr is a new person. tell the dr the real story... Then decide. It sounds like there could be more than ADHD here. Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms, in fact, it's not a symptom I've ever seen anywhere, could it be ODD or something else? I'd look into another diagnosis.