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Fine for you ArtBabe (don't mean to be sarcastic)....back when I was a kid and showed a bit of artistic and musical talent, I didn't think I had enough to get me anywhere so I focused on all those other things that were harder and not as fun (like math and science....well, science was fun) and left the art and music behind.

I'm sure I'm creative....but it's more like creative-funny or creative-interesting to talk to....rather than creative-useful (as in career).

I'm feeling whiney today. Don't mind me.

Thank you Barb....I really did need to hear those things. Nothing you said brought on my depression....I don't know what did, except maybe some expectatons that the Strattera might have helped.....and the job situation.

My customary reaction to depression is to forget that it's only temporary, that I'm not going to feel this way forever....and I haven't felt this way forever. I tend to make myself feel worse because of that; I project how I feel now into the future and that's a pretty bleak picture.

I wonder if that's characteristic of ADD.....or my ADD?

Patience is my other problem. I forget how fortunate I am to even have a job right now. Thank you for taking the time to bring me back to reality. It really helped.

Joyous5638573.4096296296

There is a certain amount of depression which comes with ADD. I don't know whether it is because of our difficulties getting to us at times or just a part of the whole.

If you have been on the Straterra for a while and really don't notice a difference, I would see about getting a different med. We are all affected differently by the meds for some reason.

In the meantime, why not look at the posts on supplements? There is one titled "Supplements and ADHD" which was just on a couple of days ago. (I put it in my favorites list because it is so helpful.) I know that they can really help with the symptoms and even get rid of them in some cases. If you have a deficiency in something, that can make your ADHD much worse.

I'm glad my post helped. You're welcome.

Joyous,

You may not see it, but others see you as funny, smart, encouraging, and yes, creative. YES, YOU!!!!!

There are many aspects to creativity and being able to think of interesting things to say to people and make them laugh or to make them look beyond their normal sphere are wonderful examples of creativity. Being able to say the right thing to help someone who is down is a wonderful gift which you have.

I don't think every person who has ADHD would be happy in a creative field like art or music. Some of us seem to do much better in a structured environment where there are relatively few surprises. We need variety, but I for one also like the security that comes with structure. I couldn't live and stay in control of my life at all if I had to start each day wondering what was going to happen next.

My favorite jobs are ones where I have been in control and had a mix of office work and the option of getting out of the office to work with people as I chose. Wellbutrin enabled me to do that. It didn't give me the focus I needed to climb higher up the ladder though, where I couldn't just walk away from the paper work when it was too difficult to focus. In the job I loved, I could do nearly a week's worth of paper work in a day when I was hyper focused.

Just as you know your depression is getting better because you can feel positive emotions such as love and the negative thoughts are fewer and less intense, you can know your meds are helping when the symptoms are less frequent.  

The difference between ADHD and normal is that we forget, procrastinate, can't stay focused, etc, more often than not. It is a good day when those things don't happen. For a normal person, they only happen occasionally. You would know if it was working.

I know how you are feeling. I get so depressed and discouraged. I hate stress as it brings out the worst of my symptoms, including impulse control. I have been seeing the negative side of ADD too much lately. I think part of it is that with school starting, there are many of us stressed out over how to handle the situation that is coming up for our kids. We have also had a lot of people posting negatively here lately, myself included. I think that is encouraging us to look at the negative side of our lives. I am going up to edit most of that out of my earlier post. I apologize if that brought on or exacerbated your depression.

 

we have to remember this is a two sided thing---alot of us with add have a great imagination and creativity----if we could just put into motion the things we dream ------I wonder if we were born "normal" would we still have all of our raw talents and inventive minds???? I too am upset that I was diagnosed later----but I am glad I was not born "normal"----once you have a handle on the difficulties that come with our condition you can do big things---pardon my vanity here but---I would rather be in a room full of us and not be bored---then be in a room full of normies-----I am glad I am one of us----I am very interesting because of it!!! And heck people with no creative vision just plain bore me!! You know what the worst part of adult adhd is for me personally?? It is all the disasters and disappointments and lost time we have to deal with. It saddens me to think there are others out there that are loosing time because of this dreaded illness. If it were just me, I could handle it, but thinking of all you out there going through it as well just burns my behind. How many things could have been ok had we not had this disease?   Now,,, The thing that scares me the most, is, MY kids getting this.

[QUOTE=bugzappers] You know what the worst part of adult adhd is for me personally?? It is all the disasters and disappointments and lost time we have to deal with. [/QUOTE]

Well, Bugzy.....I know what you mean. And in my usual self-centered way, at the moment, I'm feeling bad about that.

I've been diagnosed, albeit informally, by my (depression)psychiatrist. And am taking Strattera, which (like Wellbutrin, which is similar) is having no positive effect. I can't sleep well, thought....and I'm maybe even doing worse with the concentration (all I can concentrate on is the multiple ADD/ADHD forums and info I'm finding on the web).

I went through hell with the depression, trying to find the right med. I think the hard thing was when the doc asked if the depression was better. Hell, I was never NOT depressed; how would I know. So if he asks if the ADD is better....well, having never known anything but difficulty focusing, remembering, starting things, finishing things.....how will I know 'normal'? If I get 20% better, will I think that's normal? Or maybe 50%?

What is 'normal'? Normal people procrastinate, lose interest, forget.....how does one measure 'normal'?

Well..................whatever.

I don't have disasters..... just lessons to be learnt from

I am upset about the life I've lost because no one knew to diagnose me, and even when my dr realized that I was classic ADD 20 yrs ago he said it was impossible because adults don't have ADHD. I fight bitterness when I think of it.

I am finally able to see what has held me back and am determined to do what I can to make my life a success story from here on in. I now know I don't have to live at the mercy of the negative aspects of ADD. I can gain control and make the last 1/2 of my life what I want it to be. I choose to look ahead, not at the past from now on.

As for my son, I choose to look at all the opportunities out there for an ADHD child now. I choose to look at the strides they have made in diagnosing and treating ADHD and LDs. I choose to enable my child to fight with everything in him to be a success story.

I choose to teach my son that ADHD is not a handicap or an excuse! It is a treatable condition and he is a winner with a lot going for him! He just has to reach out and work for whatever he will get. He has to find his strengths and use them. He has to admit his weaknesses and do what he can to overcome them. He has to make the decision to succeed! I know he will. He is my son.

barb38573.381412037what i think i worse is that when you're feeling down and blue and there's no diagnosis for your emotions, people just think maybe just pms, or maybe just plain jerk, it's hard being labelled by other people well in fact they even don't know what they are saying. a "normal" person needed prodding also, what more with an adhd person? so, who now is normal and who is not? for now, im happier, even w/ adhd, bcoz i know treatment will soon be available minus the meds, happier in the sense that there is a name for what im feeling, and what im feeling is definitely NORMAL

I think depression and anger naturally spring from any kind of crisis we have - ADD or otherwise.  Having to accept we may have been cheated out of a better swing at life sucks.  I spent some time growling and shaking my fist at fate - but not much.  I couldn't blame my parents anymore - my newfound memories of my childhood told me it was an awesome upbringing - they tried everything to help me without knowing what it was I had.  I can't blame god because I'm a lifelong atheist (only time I regretted that choice LOL).  Couldn't even blame myself anymore as I knew now that no matter how hard I tried I was dragging the ADD like an anchor through my life.  So you either sit and cry or get up and be happy that - even though it was 31 years too late you got what you needed.

I'm just SO happy to see life through open and clear eyes now!  Every day is a wonder - I can see the smiles, the tears of others and feel something now!  Used to be like a blurry movie - nothing ever was real.  Now I share, I laugh, I help, I work and it's all so good.

No regrets anymore.  It's a waste - it doesn't help you and doesn't make my life any more complete or happy.  I'd rather just put it behind me and move on.

hi bepatient, im so happy to hear your story..the moment i had my son diagnosed for adhd, i too made it think that i am one..im now reading this book "driven to distraction" and my, it fits me to a t...i understand myself more than before, and same with you, i am now taking up special education here in the philippines, hoping to teach the "hard to teach" kids..but here, i would rather say, i would like to teach not the kids with learning disabilities but the kids learning differently..cheers to you bepatient and i do hope we both finish our majors...the best of luck for both of us...

There is one thing more than anything else I need to maintain, and that is dominion over my secret place, my mind.  For too long the thoughts that swirled around my head molded my reality in a way that my very own thoughts would tell me I'm a looser.  It made me cry over spilled milk, strike out in anger and blame God, others, and bad luck for making me feel that way.  The greatest gift I've ever recieved...next to life, was the gift of clearity of thought, because with that gift I've been able to see that most of the misery in my life came from the thoughts I held.  Shakespeare said, "There is nothing good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.  One sure way to maintain my misery is to continue entertaining unpleasant thoughts about all the time and all the things I've lost.  Soon, my self inflicted mental anguish begins to manifest itself as physical anguish, I become ill, and blame it all on stuff thats past.  Its a struggle at first.  Habbits of thought are tuff to control.  I can dredge up thoughts from 20 years past, then move 20 years into the future without blinking an eye.  And if I keep one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday, I wiz all over today.

When I was first diagnosed, at 40, I felt so cheated and depressed. I was diagnosed after my daughter was.  But then with the help of the meds. I felt so much better knowing that, "I really am smart after all?!"  I grew up with such low self esteem, but now even in my early 40's I have the best outlook on life that I've ever had!  Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy to keep the motivation and sometimes I do feel down.  But finally finding something I'm passionate about gets me out of it and back on track.I'm going back to school because I finally found out, after working as a teaching assistant for six years, that I'm passionate about teaching the "hard to teach kids", so I'm majoring in Special Education.  I figure if I only teach for 10 or 15 years before I retire, thats okay!  I just say I'm a late bloomer bepatient38573.9772106481What makes me feel the worst about my ADHD is that I constantly disappoint people whom I want to please or impress. I hate it. I can barely say the words, "I'm sorry" anymore because it feels like another failure.

I hate having people be mad at me. I have a hard time even having confidence in friendships because I'm concerned I will make them mad at some point. 

The other thing I hate is when girls start the comparing game  Why do they do that? It's hard enough for me to fit in, but at work, two girls in particular would say, "Oh I just hate you b/c you are so thin. You make me sick." She ALWAYS remarks on this every time she sees me or we go out to eat.

 Or, a friend told me that another girl at work hated me because she thought I was a threat to her (looks wise). She said, "You can't believe the mean things she would say about you because she was jealous." Gawd...I just want friends. I hate that stuff like that gets in the way. I'm really just normal looking.

If they only realized that when I get dressed in the morning, my goal is just not to look hideous. I have crazy hair, awful skin and no organization to get clothes ready...I am always running out the door in something half assed. I just want to be liked. It would be neat if I met the love of my life and he thought I was "all that" -- that's the only reason I'd care to be considered pretty. Why on earth would I want to compete with girl friends? I don't want to have to go around saying, "And another flaw about me is I have imperfect teeth and smile...SEE?! And just LOOK at my gross nose--it's a wonder people don't just laugh at me when they see me." I know my flaws,I don't want to have to point them out so that others can feel better and now I have to be self conscious.

With my friends, I am literally fat or looks blind. I don't see that stuff. I always like to see the possibilities and love it when they let me dress them up (clothes, hair, etc..it's so fun to me). I like to have friends to do things with and when they start comparing it just turns everything kind of ugly. I don't want someone to hate me for something like that--it's bad enough that I do things to piss people off constantly because of my ADHD.

I am horrified at the things people will say about themselves or others (or even to them) when they are talking about weight. I just don't see people that way. Whenever I see someone grossly overweight, my only thought is usually how possibly uncomfortable that person might be. I can't imagine wanting to make them feel bad. Their weight has no effect on me personally, but some people act like it's a personal offense. So weird.

bbird
[QUOTE=bugzappers]
You know what the worst part of adult adhd is for me personally?? It is all the
disasters and disappointments and lost time we have to deal with. It saddens me
to think there are others out there that are loosing time because of this
dreaded illness. If it were just me, I could handle it, but thinking of all you
out there going through it as well just burns my behind. How many things could
have been ok had we not had this disease
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=bluebird38] What makes me feel the worst about my ADHD is that I constantly
disappoint people whom I want to please or impress. I hate it. I can
barely say the words, "I'm sorry" anymore because it feels like another
failure.

[/QUOTE]

Bugzappers, the only one we can control is ourselves. While I can empathize with others and their disorder/disability, I know I have no control over their lives and therefore, don't spend too much time worrying over them. And "lost time and disasters?" Being a part of life means being proactive. We can either choose to be in the game or watch it from the stands.

BlueBird, if we "disappoint" people we want to impress, that suggests an incredible amount of power that we possess. They can only be disappointed if they choose to be disappointed. Do you know they are disappointed? And if so, did they tell you or did you ask?

I don't mean to sound aloof BTW, but while I'm medicated for ADHD and recognize the impact it has had on my life--and yes at times causes some "woe is me" feelings--I believe the best course is the course I set in life. My course is to be IN the game, NOT in the stands.

Remember too, if I'm in the game and screw up, that doesn't mean failure, it simply means I made a mistake. Failure is not falling down. Failure is falling down and not getting up.

As I've grown older and wiser I've learned much more about why things went the way they have in my life. I can beat myself up 24/7 or understand me as a human being and adjust my approach to life. I'll have wins and I'll have loses, but I'll still be in the game!!


Russlost time? what do you mean by lost time exactly?

The worst thing.......out of all the things...........for me, is that I know people think I"m not as "smart" as they are or as I should be. Because I forget things constantly, they see that as a sign of non-intelligence. Or because I ask a question and then ask the same question in 10 minutes because I dont' remember I already asked. Or because I don't "get" things quickly when it is explained to me. On a new job, I am so nervous in the beginning because I know how hard it is for me to absorb everything and follow the directions I'm given on my "duties" and the details.........the details..........so hard to grasp, but once I've got it, its THERE, ya know?? I always made A's in english, literature, anything to do with reading. Loved to diagram sentences..........I would diagram sentences sometimes as people said them......noun, verb, prepositional phrase, direct object............I dont' think alot of high school kids could have done it or is so could have done it as quickly as I could. My teacher always told my mom "I dont' know how she makes A's, all she does is look out the window."

Its frustrating for me for people to be condescending towards me when I'm as smart or smarter than they are, its just the ADD gets in the way of them seeing that.