VERY Important !!! | ADHD Information

My daughter has add and adhd as do I. I have to say that I have come to realize that I could be more understanding than I am. I am kind of hard on her. I came from a good fam but no one knew what to do about me. (no I was never medicatied) Everyone school, friends, and fam thought I was a problem child. I realize I have done similar things w my daughter who is 8 and tend to correct it. Also I think everyone who has this has experienced people not understanding and being judgemental. Other parents tend to keep there kids away from those w add/adhd and teachers tend to see them as to much work and trouble. In a perfect world we would all be more open minded. Hopefully my daughter will not have to go through as much. My daughter too also lies but about stuff that makes her popular or her life better than it is. It is her need to be normal as well as an impulse of hers and I still get on to her b/c she needs to learn right from wrong and to be herself to. Welcome to the board first of all, this is a good place to find information. I am not an expert by no means but I am a parent of a child with ADHD. I feel that maybe it would be wise for you to go to a guidance counslor or teacher that you feel confortable with at school and talk to them to see if they can get you the support that you need. I feel bad that your parent aren't able to accept the fact that you may need help. Good Luck and keep us posted.

Scarlettdecembe,

I agree with Frustrated. Talk to your counslor and perhaps they will even approach your parents. Or ask them to just come to this site and read. I feel bad for you but I am glad you have a journal. And please come here to talk if you need people who understand.

Hi Pauls Mom, My daughter is 21, and she was born with heart problems and had many illnesses when she was little. In fourth grade it was brought to our attention that she might be ADHD. So I took her to her Pediatrician and she went thru some medical tests and they all came back normal. Middle School was a nightmare but she was fortunate to have the teachers and programs in our district that could give her the support. Once she reached the work force it was AWFUL, she could not keep a job and it was always the other persons fault. Later we found out it was not them but her. After having 13 jobs since the age of 17 She and I felt it was time to go for further help.Our medical doctor put her on Lexapro but it only helped her depression. So he referred her to a very good phsyciatrist and she was diagnosed when she was 20. She has been on various medications, still trying to find one that works, right now she is starting 20mg Adderall XR. But the worst things that has upset me with the ADHD is the impulsiveness and the lying. She is working part time now but she blows money like there is no tomorrow. Has her paycheck spent before she gets it. She owns her own car and it was in our name till she started getting speeding tickets and it was affecting our insurance so we changed it into hers. And the lying, she would stand there and tell you the trees are purple when in fact they aren't. the doctor tells me this is all the ADHD. I guess what I am saying is I wish we would of got her help before the age of 20. For her sake and ours. But each child is different and you as a parent have to make the decission and then just pray that you have made the right one. We can only do what we feel is best. But know too that it is as hard for your son as it is for you dealing with the ADHD they don't chose to be this way. Good Luck and I hope you find the help you are looking for. I appreciate 'all' of your responses...we have decided 'for now' to just let him be the little boy that he is. He isn't having 'any' problems socially nor academically...it's only behavior. God help us is all I can say. Unfortunately my husband feels that this board is 'not good for moi'. He thinks I'm getting ideas from here to 'look' for in our son. Sooooo..on that note: I shall back away from this board as my husband wishes...he doesn't realize that it actually HELPS me...but then again our son hasn't been diagnosed as of yet. Soooooo...ta ta for now to 'all' of you and thank you ever so much for your support, words of wisdom, just thank you for being HONEST about everything. IF our son is diagnosed adhd; you will see me back. FOR SURE! I honestly pray that I won't 'need' to come back. I pray he will grow out of his behavior issues...with our help.

Mind you I am 50 years old and back when I was a kid it wasn't well known as it is now. I think I out grew it or found ways of dealing with it. But my son will never I am sure of this. He is so immature its sad

I am referring to this because my son is 23 and he has it or some other problems bad. But back to me for a second. Looking back my parents said that they always thought I had dyslexia or something to that affect, now days they call it ADD?

Anyway my son 23 is so screwed up has both of us his parents here still married and he keeps coming home to stay here we are fine without him here. But when he is here he is so lazy sleeps all day. He works but he hates it cant go to sleep at a normal time in order to get up at 9am to even be at work by 10am. makes good money but on the verge of loosing his job. Lies at the drop of a hat isn't happy unless he can be on the Internet all night long, then lies about doing that also. He wasn't abused just has his mother wrapped around his little finger. This is probably the problem instead of a lecture which he could not stand, maybe he should have his a$$ beat!

Take today a perfect example he over sleeps or so we think, I have had it with him so his mother goes upstairs to wake him and he tells her that he has been suspended from work for 3 days. This is after his mother that pampers him and I really quite sick of that. But this is after his mother cooked us dinner and she wanted her, I and our 2 year old granddaughter (not his) to sit and eat together. Then he looked forward to a night of chatting with people who he never met but chooses to call them friends. He got that and was on until the wee hours of the am. He kept quiet about it so I would not say a word and let him stay up all night chatting and instead of him getting up to at least make the appearance of him going to work, he slept in

Two weeks ago he cashed his paycheck at a store and was out all night with his friends and literarily lost half of the check. This was done because his bank account was over drawn and he wanted spending money. His ATM card is cancelled he has no checks no any way to pay for any thing. You could tell him 100 times to get some checks at the bank and he wont it will take him months to do that. Then this Friday he did exactly the same thing except for loosing it, it caused an argument. This check was for 8 its sad its gone already and nothing to show for it. he lied 10 lies going out the door No I wont cash my check tonight but I will put it in my car, 2 lies right there. His mother bought it, and guess what folks he cashed it and came home in the middle of the night trying to give his mother money to hold for him. When he came home from work that evening (Friday about 6 or 7) sat at his mothers computer and said he didn't have any plans then 15 mins later was rushing around telling us he had a date. I just don't trust him and don't think I ever will.

Now his friends all younger than him 17 18 19 20 may 21 rarely 21. We gave him one of our cell phone to use and he plays with it like a toy runs the bill up so high he cant afford it. He is addicted to the interment and cell phone text messages. His sister put him on her car insurance to save him money but he sometimes says why do I have to pay it and will try to not pay it for the month. I tell him to get his own insurance and pay more. Problem is like the insurance his sister gave him a 2001 blazer to drive and he has to pay the payments. that is like pulling teeth. But yet he buys beer for all his punk friends. then they call him on cell phone at 2am he leaves and big suprize comes home at 4am and the next day cant get up to go to work leading to a work suspension!

I have tried ever since he was maybe 13 or 14 to get him to show some responsibility and I get nothing from him. Its time for some tough love kicked him out one last time after he smashed a laptop dint belong to him. then tried to tear up the house. kicking at doors and what not. Thing is his mother stands there and tells him to stop and if his mother wasn't in my way I would have stopped him for good

In school they teach these kids to have low self esteem or tell them to use that as a crutch or excuse. I have heard these words come out of his mouth

Here is a bit more history after he graduated from school, he wanted the summer to do nothing, that was ok but that then turned into several years. He worked 12 to 20 hours a week for 2 years and kept using that as an excuse that he was going to go to college and dint want to start a job that he would have to quit when he went to school. When in high school he usually did the work but never turned it in its amazing he finished. I tried to keep on him get him to grow up a bit but his mother has always babied him, its so sad. The two of them say when was the last time you did any thing with him. well quite frankly I don't want to spend time with some one that acts the way he does and lies or takes things just because he wants them and destroys them

I carve things from wood, I have a nice wood detailer (wood burner) only some kind of a PUNK would cut all the ends off the different tips of the tools for use with his guitar. Parts you could buy at radio shack for 1.00 each but the tools cost me 20 or more dollars each. I have really had it with him, and honestly I don't care if I ever hear from him again

He left walking because we told him his insurance was cancelled even though it wasn't I made him give me the cell phone that he locked thinking I cant take it to Verizon and get it unlocked then delete all his garbage in it. He pays rent on a basement of an old building for the band of idiots i like to call them. Because his band is composed of teenagers who have no job and a way to pay the rent or only part time jobs

Do any of you blame me at all?

[QUOTE=i_am_pauls_mom]I have a question for you all. This is for children and young adults with adhd/add. Now mind you I have 'no clue' WHO you are and you have 'no clue' WHO I am except that I am a very concerned parent for my 7 yr.old son. Here's my question. How 'was' your homelife...meaning did you have a 2 parent home? Did your parents 'do' things with you? Did your parents 'understand' you? Did you 'talk' to your parents? Any abuse of 'any' kind (verbal or otherwise) that you had to deal with? OK: so now that's been said...I look forward to 'any/all' responses. I'm just wondering...(trying to find the 'right' way to say this) if you had a 'normal' family. Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, only child? Anything that you remember happening that perhaps made you 'feel' NOT normal? I promise to reply to ALL that reply to this thread.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=i_am_pauls_mom]Ashley: when you say that nobody could 'understand' you: could you please explain a bit more. Was it because of the adhd and you were 'not' medicated (do you think?) You see I am struggling even to get a diagnosis for my son because we don't want to medicate him. (before any of you say it, yes I know I should have him tested). We do plan on doing so before I pull ALL of my hair out.[/QUOTE]

Pauls mom, Just because you have him tested does NOT mean you HAVE to medicate him. And if the school tries to MAKE you medicate, they are breaking the law. My DD, 11, is not medicated, but having her diagnosed has helped me to help her in other ways.We give her supplements & vitamins, get her the school help she needs & am working on ways to help her be organized.

I have a question for you all. This is for children and young adults with adhd/add. Now mind you I have 'no clue' WHO you are and you have 'no clue' WHO I am except that I am a very concerned parent for my 7 yr.old son. Here's my question. How 'was' your homelife...meaning did you have a 2 parent home? Did your parents 'do' things with you? Did your parents 'understand' you? Did you 'talk' to your parents? Any abuse of 'any' kind (verbal or otherwise) that you had to deal with? OK: so now that's been said...I look forward to 'any/all' responses. I'm just wondering...(trying to find the 'right' way to say this) if you had a 'normal' family. Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, only child? Anything that you remember happening that perhaps made you 'feel' NOT normal? I promise to reply to ALL that reply to this thread.My heart goes out to you....as well as prayers. I honestly don't know what to say to you....you've said it 'very' well. I can say this though...by him acting the way he is could be due to drug use. (just my opinion) Now I realize that you've been put through HELL ... please realize that your son 'is' your son regardless of how you 'feel' about him and that's something you can never ever change. Just pray for him...we're praying for you AND your family to get through this. I don't know how religious you are...but I've been told that God never gives you more than you can handle. I do believe you can handle this...in which ever way you chose. We parents do the 'best' we can for our children but unfortunately we can 'not' MAKE them live life instead of life living them.I live with both of my parents and am now a ninth grader just entering high school, I am an only child. My life started out ruff because nobody when I was younger could every understand me. You need to make sure your son has very understanding friends that will always be there for him. My mom never realy understood me so I turned to friends who really helped me out at any time I needed them they were there for me. Be there for your son and alwasy try to understand him and say you do becaue it really does help if your mom says it's ok and stuff like that. Ashley: when you say that nobody could 'understand' you: could you please explain a bit more. Was it because of the adhd and you were 'not' medicated (do you think?) You see I am struggling even to get a diagnosis for my son because we don't want to medicate him. (before any of you say it, yes I know I should have him tested). We do plan on doing so before I pull ALL of my hair out.Ok first lemme' say that those of you that have posted were NOT medicated as a child...am I correct? IF this is true then what I'm 'really' trying to see is HOW were you treated? (that's all) Whether you had one parent or two or in somes cases more (step-parents) then HOW were YOU treated? You see: this is MY opinion...children with adhd are not 'created' by things that happened during their childhood; we ALL know that children are 'born' with adhd (I think I'm correct on this). So with that factor in mind - if you have a child with adhd and this child is NOT medicated HOW are YOU treating your child? I think I'm feeling actually a bit guilty here for MY actions with our son. Am I being tooooo hard on our son for 'not' listening in school? Yet academically he's off the charts. Discipline? Do we make him write sentences for lying? Sure DO! But can he help it? Is lying a part of adhd and if so then he really can't HELP lying but yet I punish him with writing sentences. Do you see where I'm going with this? I have 'no clue' as to what a 'normal' family would be because the definition for a 'normal' family is really up to 'that' person's opinion. EVERYONE who posted here wasn't diagnosed until later in life...SOOOOOOOO there was of course NO MEDS. So with that being said I think I want to know MORE and MORE to help 'my son' cope with ANYTHING that he would 'feel' NOT NORMAL about. From the input that I've seen here you all had realatively or great childhoods - I guess my real question is...is there ANYTHING your parent/parents could have done to make your life EASIER as a child because you were NOT medicated.

I am paul's mom,

I have adhd. I lived in a home with my mother and father. MY parents did plently of activites with me from going to church to family vactations. I don't know what you mean do or did my parents understand me as a child. I mean did they care about me (yes) or did they understand how I felt (yes) I was not diagnosed till I was 18. But even though I was a hyper child they never had any problems with me. "talk to my parents" Sure I had everyday conversations with them, but as I became a teenager of course I did not want to talk with them as much. I could always to them for almost anything. NO ABUSE. I had to siblings. Nothing that made me feel abnormal. Except I felt dumb because I was not as smart as everyone else in school, but I do not remeber felling abnormal in anyway. LIke different from other people around me. I felt like everyone else except with a lot of enery

Thank you hope123hop for answering. I guess what I'm asking here is that did you or anyone else here have what would be called a 'normal' homelife? (if there is such a thing). Again thank you for replying...I'm sort of doing a 'study' (if you will) to see if children that have adhd/add have come from broken homes, abused (verbally or otherwise), taunted, etc. OR did they have normal homes where both parents more than likely 'yelled' at them for not listening....(but of course the child couldn't help it because of the adhd/add). Anyway thank you for replying.

Hi I Am,

Maybe we could help you out a little better if you made up a form questionaire. What you are searching for still sounds generalized.

If I read into your question correctly, you trying to find a possible link between ADD/ADHD people and dysfunctional famlies. Correct?

Thorns4Life38729.0238310185

I had a very loving home life and childhood. My parents pushed me very hard, particularly at school, but did so with good intent (I wasn�t dx�d until 22). They took me on lots of trips and outings, played games and taught me lots. I�ve always talked a lots to my parents and still do. By all measures, they have been and are champion parents. School and other children were unpleasant but I never felt ousted at home at all: it was my refuge. My parents perhaps didn�t understand what was different about me back then, but they appreciated it and worked with it excellently.

As for a normal family � just as mad as the next one. Probably worse actually, since my Dad as ADHD too. Going on holiday was a logistical nightmare (forgotten passports, driving licences, lost bags etc) but also fun. My Mum is probably the real start here, as my Dad and I are both strongly ADHD and very similar. When we�re both hyper and bouncing back of each other, being silly, it drives her nuts!

[QUOTE=asianaries]

i used to get hit a lot because of my adhd. i didnt even know that it was adhd at the time though. i was 7 years old and always running around the whole city, parent would never really care wat i did before, but one day they did, so the would hit me alot because i was never home and always was out somewhere.

i even remember being 3 years old and trying to unlock the door to get out and i did! i was 3, how do i have that kind of mind to know how to unlock a door and walked around town, the cops finally found me and my sis cuz we were lost for about 4 hrs, my parents broke down because they thought that they will never see me and my sis.

come to think of it...i put my parents life to hell. i just figure i was a rebellious kid that cant pay attention in class and i was stupid or something. but now i'm 22 just got diagnosed recently last week, medications not really working that well though wit my focus but at least i know there's a name for wat ive been goin thru with my life

[/QUOTE]

You must understand that YOU didn't DESERVE to be LOCKED in a room first of all. You also must understand that you didn't DESERVE to be HIT. Because you were diagnosed with adhd doesn't mean that you're a BAD person AT ALL!! It also means that YOU are NOT stupid. Please understand that it sounds like your parents did NOT 'understand' you. I'm quite sure that they loved you in their own way; but I don't understand WHY you were locked in a room...and for how long? Was this hours a day? Weeks at a time? Did you go anywhere? Parks? Grocery Store? Shopping? Movies? What GOOD times do you remember as a child? You must know that my heart goes out to you...my prayers are with you and yours.

[QUOTE=Shadawbi]

[/QUOTE]

We are using supplements as well now. FISH OIL to be exact. I'll be honest I almost KNOW he's add/adhd...however we are in the process of a series of test. (first the school has the psychologist, social worker, behavior specialist) all of these are working with our son. They KNOW that if he is ADHD we aren't going to medicate so they don't PUSH us to get a diagnois. We have several things that have been implemented ... first his desk is now by his teachers (2nd grade). He gets a calendar each day to bring home...N=got off of seat more than 8 times. S=got of out seat 8 times or LESS. First for me with our son getting out of his seat...it used to be talking non-stop so this getting out of his seat is a NEW issue and this is the way his teacher has chose to deal with it. Dunno what she thinks she's doing except a 'paper trail'... any suggestions? However she did say that yesterday (thurs.) he only got up 4 times. And seems to be doing better by sitting next to her.

[QUOTE=Brent]

My parents both still together. Both worked.I was rebellious.Not big feeling talkers. We did what needed to get bye.

My wifes parents devorced when she was 16. Both worked all her life. Her too.Hers are. Able to send her to private school.Had family meetings.

[/QUOTE]

I'm glad to hear that your parents are still together. COMMUNICATION is a KEY factor in a marriage. Family meetings are think are a wonderful way for everyone in the family to get feelings out that might otherwise go unsaid. Are YOU diagnosed adhd/add?

[QUOTE=mullaru]

My parents are still together, going strong. We talk all the time. I especially talk to my dad, who has a master's in social work, just because he can help me cope with how hard it is sometimes...

One thing that I would look into if you're trying to help any children with ADHD is to make them feel as smart as they are. In my experience, most of the people I've met who have ADHD are incredibly intelligent.

[/QUOTE]

Koodoos to your DAD!! As I've said in a previous post...COMMUNICATION is a key factor...actually a very successful tool you've been blessed to have with your parents. I gotta say though that most children that have been diagnosed are EXTREMELY intelligent. They might FEEL they aren't in some instances...but for the most part I've encountered VERY smart children but yes they are add/adhd. But you're correct...they don't FEEL they are. Interesting...perhaps that is a issue that should be looked at more: I do know that my son gets frustrated VERY easily and bangs on the table or hits himself...very MINOR things set him off. We continue to let him know that we love him and he's the smartest kid we know and that he can do anything he wants. (within reason of course) Thanks for your VERY positive post.

have your tried coffee,,,,i do with mine,,,NOT EXPRESSO THO,,,it works to help them calmn down when the meds seem to not do what they are,,,and if they take meds,,,don't give them anytning with citrus in it,,,,can make them hyper,,,or red dye

My parents are still together, going strong. We talk all the time. I especially talk to my dad, who has a master's in social work, just because he can help me cope with how hard it is sometimes...

My parents both still together. Both worked.I was rebellious.Not big feeling talkers. We did what needed to get bye.

My wifes parents devorced when she was 16. Both worked all her life. Her too.Hers are. Able to send her to private school.Had family meetings.

[QUOTE=youtalkinto_me] first of all i would like to know why you would ask if we had a normal life or anyting,,,and what does it have to do with your 7 yr old if anything,,,,just wanting to know

[/QUOTE]

Ummmmm...because this is a place to 'ask'? I'm just curious is all. IF your offended by it...not my intention to offend 'anyone' by asking this question and by the way I appreciate ALL of this feedback.

Thank you for those that have chosen to 'share' with me.

[QUOTE=scarlettdecembe]Hi, I am 15 years old.
My parents are very loving, but NOT understanding at all. I do not talk to them, unless I have to. They do not want to accept that I have any disorders of any kind. I am unmedicated. I struggle with friends, school, etc...but they believe that I can fix these things myself. They are very pressuring, we get into many fights and they are sometimes slightly abusive but it's nothing that a good cry and a long journal entry cannot fix.
[/QUOTE]

Perhaps sometimes you 'should' talk with your parents. Let them KNOW how you feel...I know that they WANT to know how YOU feel. But instead of writing it in a journal (however that is very good therapy) please just ask them to sit down and let you talk...have them listen...tell them that you feel pressured and also feel that you are being slightly abused...I assure you that your parents and you will then have a good cry...but together. I'm sure they don't know how you feel...you gotta speak up and talk to them. As a parent I would WANT to know. Won't hurt to give it a try will it? Don't close them out...

first of all i would like to know why you would ask if we had a normal life or anyting,,,and what does it have to do with your 7 yr old if anything,,,,just wanting to know hey i am pauls mom

i had a great childhood. i really did, i loved being with my three sisters
(all older) we had great family holidays --- all organised by my mother
because my father is even worse than me for ADD.

i don't think i could have had a better childhood - excepting the fact i
wish i HAD KNOWN i had add. i had no idea. i did not understand
anything was wrong and my mother was very helpful in coping with it (as
in standing over me, and making sure i got it done...) but i WISH i had
known. that's it.

apart from that - we had a fantastic childhood. all four of us. my mother
was a star (half the reason i feel so guilty for turning out so rubbish!!!!
after all she put in! she deserved so much better than me) and i love her.

she wasn't particularly happy being married to my father - that much i
remember and was aware of as i was particularly intuitive and sensitive on
that level. however, they remained married until i was 15/16 when my
mother finally divorced my father. however, i have been ADD since as far
back as my memory goes so it is not impacted by that at all.

I grew up in a very loving home. My parents are very supportive of me and all my siblings. They love us all. We have a strong family.

I was born with pigeon toes and had casts put on my legs from 3months to 9 months. I then had bars between my shoes for another 6 months. I never crawled. I scooted around. I pulled myself with my arms. Then I walked.

According to a book called Stopping ADHD, I have a reflex still in my body that was never matured. According tot he authors, this reflex is the one that propells me forward to crawl. I never did crawl for very long, so this reflex controls me.

I believe this book with all my heart. It makes so much sense to me. I am so excited and happy to have found something that really makes sense. The symptoms listed in the book and talked about in the book are all ones that I have. All the pieces of the complex puzzle of ADD for me fit and make sense.

I have started to do the recommended exercises and have experienced much improvement in organization, memory, and time organization. I think the time organization is the most affected.

I want to let everyone know about this book because it has helped me so much. I don't think doctors even know about this method. I hope to let as many people know about it as possible. It really has worked for me.

Hi, I am 15 years old.
My parents are very loving, but NOT understanding at all. I do not talk to them, unless I have to. They do not want to accept that I have any disorders of any kind. I am unmedicated. I struggle with friends, school, etc...but they believe that I can fix these things myself. They are very pressuring, we get into many fights and they are sometimes slightly abusive but it's nothing that a good cry and a long journal entry cannot fix.