My 8 year old ADHD son has a lot of trouble dealing with disappointment. Last night during his baseball game he started to cry when not getting to play the position he wanted. This has happened before and I had warned him before the game that he would be taken home if this happened again. So after giving him one warning, and his refusing to play and continuing to cry, I took him home. There was screaming and yelling, but I put him in the car and left. Now I get an email from the coach telling me how he needs to play that position (outfield which is incredibly boring for him) because although winning isn't everything, it is very important to the team.
My question is, is it Ok to let him quit if he wants? I always say you need to keep your commitments, but if he cannot handle it, should he continue to play?
Any ideas on helping a child learn to cope and deal with disappointment. I thought that being on a team would help with this, but maybe it is just too much.
thanks for your help, Jacksmom
Is he in t-ball? My son's coaches always tried to give the kids the chance to play every position. Most of the little ones had out field, but the coaches tried to put them in another position at least once during each game. They are there to learn and have fun, not to be shoved into the most boring position for the season. At that age they are learning the basics and sportsmanship, etc, If his coach is so determined to win that he has taken the joy and learning from the game, I would either let my son quit or ask for another coach.
It is good to teach kids not to quit but it is also good to teach them that there are times when you are going to be used, taken advantage of or mistreated. Those are the times when you should quit! They need to know the difference and that they should not stay in a bad situation.
If he is used to being babied and having people give in to him when he displays that behavior, you need to deal with that. I discovered that my son always thought he should win and because he was so small for his age, adults usually gave in to him. I was guilty of the same thing and didn't realize how often he got away with it. I finally had to inform him in front of everyone that no one gets their way all the time and when he gets his way over someone else, they are being hurt. I told him that fair is for everyone and that getting him preferential treatment wasn't fair to anyone, including him. Every child should be given in to at times, but that having to always be top dog was not the way to win friends.
Is it possible that he is going through a depression? Kids that age can get depressed. Is there something going on in his life that might make him feel like life isn't fair to him? I'd try to talk to him and find out so that could be dealt with if necessary.
I tried to cover all the bases here, (pun intended! ). Hope something helps!
I'll put him in individual sport.