Advice needed for ADD bf | ADHD Information

This may be a little long, but I'll try to be brief. My bf was recently diagnosed with ADD and is taking Ritalin. He is doing really well but I need advice on how to motivate him to look for a job.

We have been together for 11 years and he has been layed off five times . Two off those stints lasted 2 years and this one is going on 18 mos. to complicate matters he has a felony conviction because he was involved in a car accident when he was 18 and killed a man. This was 20 years ago and the courts will not offer him an expungement although no drugs and alcohol were involved, just an undiagnosed ADD kid looking for stimulation by speeding. It's very sad. Now he has new found hope of a new life and he strongly feels his record is holding him back.

I want him to keep applying to jobs, although his work record is rather spotty. He is a jack of all trades and dabbled into just about everything, computers, sales, electronics ect.... i don't know how to get him focused on just one career path and move forward. He has lost a lot of years, but he has a chance for a new beginning.

Instead he's hyper-focusing on his truck, the history channel and e-bay. I've even teased him about buying little outfits for his cell phone.

What makes you feel encouraged and ready to move forward? What gives you hope?

By the way he has a BS in business, you would think that would help, but it hasn't.

Thanks for listening. I really appreciate any advice.

Kim

[QUOTE=toriplays]This may be a little long, but I'll try to be brief. My bf was recently diagnosed with ADD and is taking Ritalin. He is doing really well but I need advice on how to motivate him to look for a job.

Instead he's hyper-focusing on his truck, the history channel and e-bay. I've even teased him about buying little outfits for his cell phone.

What makes you feel encouraged and ready to move forward? What gives you hope?

By the way he has a BS in business, you would think that would help, but it hasn't.

Thanks for listening. I really appreciate any advice.

Kim

[/QUOTE]

First advice: Type a little louder. I couldn't hear you. :)

Second advice: Not to worry. His meds'll help.

Third advice: Let him do several things at once, and help him follow through.

What worked best for me 20 jobs, 14 firings, 2 jailings, 1 bankruptcy, lost 8 businesses, was to not give up hope. Keep following up on good ideas and good opportunities.

Expect a career move every couple years.

Turn what you like to do into a business.

Find out what your weaknesses are, and let someone else be responsible for that area of the business.

Find out what your strenghts are, and exploit them. Use spell checker when you write.

I want to open up an ebay store, too. But I'm too busy making 0,000 / year, and getting fired every now and then.

I got fired in June, and had 5 job offers, every one of them over 0,000. I turned them all down, and freelance as a sales, marketing, research, production consultant, and make ,000 / day.

Don't give up hope.

Love him. He's your best asset. Once he gets his rythm, he'll change the world.
It sounds like you are taking on a lot of responsibility. Ultimately, his
motivation has to come from within. You might consider reframing the
issue: how can you best love and support a man who may never focus on
just one career path? More importantly, how can you take care of
yourself?

Thanks for the help.

He is sort of doing manual labor right now. His sister is a real estate agent and she hires him to fix up the houses that have been inspected that need improvements before they can be sold. Unfortunately he is a softie and tends to undercharge people.

Although he is great at home repair and mechanics he does not want to do it for a living. He is interested in sales but he tends to expect too much money and the jobs he wants are 90 minutes away from home.

It seems when I back off he doesn't move forward with the job hunt and gets distracted, but if I push him he can get stubborn.

I'm just not sure how to be supportive but keep him applying for jobs, He is so selective that he only appllies to one job every month or two.

I'm just trying to help him, but manage my own life as well.

First of all - welcome to the forum and hopefully you'll find some help here!

This is a hard one for sure. I know that when I started meds it didn't help me find the urge to get my drive up and running to do things. I tend to stick with what is in front of me.

Perhaps you could get him to try a job that takes little mental ability? Something he hasn't done before perhaps. I got a job in a manufacturing plant - totally manual labour. I have a degree in computer information - and was very different work than I was used to. The best part was that the work was very suited to a person on ADD meds - repetitive and taking focus on detail.

I find now I enjoy my work and do it extremely well. I like that when I leave work I never worry about what the next day brings.

You may also want to try to get him an ADD coach? Someone trained in getting ADHD'ers to become motivated and learn coping skills to make it through the day-to-day events we all need to do.

Someone will give the advice that works. Keep trying!

Whoa, I keep about 10 resumes, and apply for a job at least once a week... If something better comes along, I'll go for it.

I'm in sales, and love it. But don't call me a salesman...

I'm a scientist, for reals. I just sell my science...

Oh, by the way, thanks for writing a little louder... I didn't even notice this time!
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