I don’t like my son...

I agree, a therapist can help you deal with this.  The children will be picking up on this (if they already haven't) and this could make the situation much worse.

Here's a tip, instead of focusing on what you don't like about your son, try to focus on his good qualities!!  And remember he's a child and he's probably hurting inside.  Children with ADHD already tend to have low self esteem.  If you can help him feel good about himself, he'll be more enjoyable!!  Try to see the world thru his eyes!  You will then know how to love him.  I hope this helps.

VickiLE

momj,

If anyone who is a parent of an ADHD child said that they hadn't at sometime or another felt the way you have, they would be lying.  It's difficult to embrass, love and go 'above and beyond' for a child who is disrespectful, spiteful, yelling, using bad language, slaming doors, and not yielding the results that a sweet loving daughter often returns.

But remember, with ADHD and many of its related conditions, the child often does not have control or is unaware of their responses.  They are just responding,  often unaware of the impact of their blast.  If you think back to the last blowup, I bet your child didn't even remember what it was all about an hour or two later.

It is good that you've recognized your feelings and realized that you can't do this on your own (I wouldn't).  Contact a family therapist preferably one who is an expert with ADHD children.  They will help teach you how to manage your child.  It sort of like a dog trainer, they don't train the dog, they train the owner.  Often your child's responses escalate based upon how you manage the situation.  Remember, normal everyday parently skills don't necessarily work with an ADHD child. You need special tools and awareness that are not intutive to child rearing.

The good news is that with good training, proper diet, vitamins and meds (if necessary) and lots of love, you'll find a child who is just as rewarding as their  sibling.   It's just that you will need to take smaller steps and be more conscious of rewarding the smaller gains then you have in the past.  

The other advice I offer is to try and connect with a ADHD support group in your neighborhood.  You will find that you are not alone and will often gleam ideas that will smooth your relationship with your child.

Paul

I think every single one of us has been here at some point. I think something that could really help you is to read all you can about ADHD. When you have a really good understanding of this disorder it will make it easier for you to have patience and forgiveness for your son's behavior. If you understand and believe that he does not act badly on purpose, it will be easier to like your child.

I, also, think counseling would be beneficial for you and your family. It is difficult to deal with, and you do need to talk about it. You won't be so inclined to take it out on your son by distancing yourself from him. You deserve to love your son, and he deserves to be loved by you. Hang in there.

Hi there.  I can totally relate to what you're saying.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.  I love my oldest son with all of my heart but I definitely struggle with not liking him, which in turn makes me feel extremely guilty and destroyed.  So I too am learning from what the other posters on this forum have said to you.  I guess all I can say is hang in there. How lucky of your children that you can realize that something is not right.  You obviously are on your way to making things right by making the first step in acknowledging it.  I always tell my sons that if I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of them.  I hope you can make some time for yourself just to gather your thoughts and start anew.  Thank you for posting. Hugs to you and your little ones.

Nice post, Paul!

Stepmom...great advice about reading ADHD books.  On days when I'm at my wits end..that is exactly what I do. 

 I pull out my favorites and read a bit.  It not only reminds me that he does not act this way on purpose, but it reminds me of how REALLY tough it is to be him!  When I'm done reading, I'm usually crying (for him) and I go love on him!

I have felt that way 100 times.........(well I could be exagerating it).  Being a parent of a difficult child is very hard.  Just being a parent is difficult.  I go through it with my 8 year old everyday.  I do love her, but she is so difficult.  I tend to not "bug" her too much.  If I wake her, she turns into the exorcist. So I have to be on my toes with her.  Believe me, you are not alone with your feelings on this.  I think everyone here can tell a story or two, just like it.  Hang in there!!!!!!!!!! 

I know now that my daughter cannot help the way she acts sometimes & she does apologize, so evidentally I've instilled something in her brain correctly.

momj- I feel that way myself. Making it through each day makes the next one easier, at least you know it's possible.

soccermom- Please teach me how to take my dd to the grocery store! Mine's almost 7 and I always take her (no sitter, ever) We have issues with running off, begging, and not realizing other ppl with carts can run her little butt over! I sometimes put her in the baby seat, but she's 4'2 and 75 lbs. People almost stare! BTW what is he dx? We haven't got one yet.(okay, just read your other post about dx)

momj, I really feel for you.  My daughter is almost 5 and she has been extremely difficult since the day we took her home from the hospital.  My friend with twins says my daughter is way more work than her girls.  I used to (and still occasionally do) get really worked up over things she did and the way that she acted -- both at home and out in public.  Finally, I began to realize that other people LOVED my daughter for the way she was and that her various obsessions that drove me crazy (like never being able to pass up dog without throwing a fit that she be allowed to pet and talk to it) were actually very endearing to other people.  I am definitely a type A personality and I realized that I was missing out on all of the great things that other people saw in my daughter because I was so focused on her behavior.   So, I have tried to develop a sense of humor about the whole situation.  This year I have resolved (and have somewhat succeeded) in finding some of the things that she does amusing and even downright funny -- like how she breaks or destroys almost EVERYTHING she touches.  I don't even get mad at her anymore for breaking things because I know she just doesn't mean to do any of it.  It is still very frustrating when she does it, but I just remember that she is more important than any knick-knack, or plate, or glass, or lamp, or . . . well, you probably get the picture.  The most difficult part is dealing with her daily tantrums and outbursts because of the emotional stress that they cause our entire family.  My husband is a godsend and we try to tag-team on dealing with her when she's losing it.  I hope that you have someone who can give you a break when dealing with your son because I think it's important to have time away from your kids to get your mind back to zero.  Having said that, one of the ways that I started dealing better with my daughter was to spend more one-on-one time with her.  I have taken her to the grocery store with me every time I have gone this year.  Slowly, we went from having meltdowns everytime we went to now she walks beside the cart in the aisles and makes "suggestions" about what we could get, but doesn't throw a fit if she doesn't get it.  It was hard, but I am really glad that I did it. 

Hang in there.  All kids are a lot of work -- these kids are just more so.  But they are really worth it. 

Momj

You already got some great advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that I'm thinking of you!