needing to vent | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=daniel's mom]Why do people insist on saying to me your son will out grow some of this my son was like that when little.They also say part of this just boy related. This chaps my rear when I hear it. True adhd is not outgrown and neither is Ld. [/QUOTE]That's right. But we can cope. And learn to cope. And help others learn to cope. 'Sides meds, 'puters help me cope. Gadgetry helps me cope. An understanding staff helps me cope. Let me do my thing, and they do the things I cna't do, liek details. And spell check.

Actually I'm reading "Delivered from Distraction" by Dr. Hallowell and he states on Page 8 that during puberty 30 to 40 percent of children CAN have their symptoms disappear and never reappear. So there's a 60 to 70 percent change that a child that has ADHD will continue to have the symptoms into adulthood.

Autumnstar

I would guess that these people are trying to make you feel better....but they really can't relate to you, because they don't really understand the situation. If these people are important to you take a deep breath smile and change the subject.

I hope this can give you HOPE ; I personally don'have a diagnosis yet,but I do know I was a trouble maker in school who cursed out the principal in third grade ,who shouldv'e been expelled for what Id said and called him in the hallway with half the school listeneng, and they (the school system)called in a school shrink to test me (and my brothers) thinking there was a home problem!

IF this happened today, I may have been diagnosed with several different ailments, instead of being stuck back in class without any help

just to let you know, I'm doing fine other than some memory loss and being organised(NO DROOLING,EXCEPT WHEN THERES A NICE COMPUTER FOR SALE).

I believe kids repeat whats heard from their parents. They can only get away with what is a loud. Public school can do little to help anymore. The kids no this. Some I believe are bad at school as away to quit school. The is true if the school isn't giving what that child needs. It is so hard today to guide kids cause parents complain and teachers try. Private school can pick kids and expell bad ones. PS can only transfer to alternative schools. I have for some this is better and with some cases it makes things worse. We parents are doing what we can for our kids. Some kids will just do what they want to. I saw this hear once some people you can't cage. My husband is one of these. What I mean is you can train a child well and still have it be rebellious. I believe this cause they are strong willed and will do it there way only. I am just sharing my story.

i'm having the same problem dan mom. i have a 4 year old which acts very different from my 2 other children. I have adhd and was thinking about getting him tested but everyone is telling me that he's a boy and he's 4 that's all there is to it and that he'll grow out of it. my other 2 children never acted like this and i am at my wits end with him.

It's hard when people won't understand when kids have add/adhd or anything that's a disorder. But what matters is that you're there for your son. From what I see he's getting great support from you, his mother. When I was growing up, my mom was my and still is my biggest support when it comes to my disorders. I guess people who don't know about ADD/ADHD don't really want to understand in the long run, if they did want to understand, they would take the time themselves to look up information on it I guess. Hang in there for your son's sake.

I hear ya! People ask me how much therapy I'll need, or how long will I have to stay on meds until I'm "cured". I'm not an Easter ham! I will not be "cured". This is the rest of my life, baby! It also irks me dealing with kids with ADD/ADHD and are newly diagnosed when the parent says "GOSH! The meds aren't working! He's still acting crazy! Well, not as bad as before, but I thought the meds were going to cure him!", or "Oh, once I put him on meds everything will be fine again!" I can't stand the parents that think meds are a quick fix and will solve everything! I want to scream...YOU TOOL! MEDS ARE A TOOL TO HELP, NOT CURE!

My suggestion is to ask them if they'd ask a parent of a child with jeuvenile diabetes "when will he grow out of it?" - it's a disorder - not a "faze" he's in!

True - a lot of children with ADHD end up growing into their brain chemistry and don't show the symptoms after teen years - but as anyone who comes here sees a huge amount of us still keep it with us forever.

People can be generally callous and insensitive to things they don't understand. I guess we all just have to turn the other cheek - and keep in mind that we are the knowledgeable ones and they aren't. So there.

You're not an easter ham? I am! Actually, I'm a bit of a ham most of the time.

Thank God for humor. Can anyone imagine a life without laughter? Isn't it interesting that a simple turn of phrase can cause a smile and a chuckle?

God works in mysterious ways.

Joyous5638581.3427546296I agree Melly. I used them and school was still a issue. Public schools to me are for the Visual learners not ones who learn auditory/handson. Barb, thanks. Yep, he is so fired.

(I forgot to mention that part.)

bbird
As my golfer fiancee used to tell me..."focus on your own game." For some reason this has helped me. Other people have their own game to focus on and even if it isn't apparent that they have "issues" - they will!

I'm 40 and did not, unfortunately, grow out of ADHD. Bummer. People have all sorts of opinions about ADHD and my co-morbid conditions (depression, anxiety). It's OK, I just focus on my own game and do what I need to do. My self esteem and confident have increased substantially over the last several years from some of the efforts I have made to finish my degree and work hard at some things.

I can relate to your son though...I told my P-doc off the other day. He is a social moron, but you KNOW how difficult it is to switch P-docs: first you have to shop around, then you have to go through the whole history gathering/sharing fun. So, I went him to get my prescrip. refilled so that I can buy some time while I'm looking.

This guy is ALL about the money...ALL about it. He won't accept insurance and he can hardly wait to tell you at the end of the session to remember to write a check on the spot.

Well, about 2 mo. ago he pressured me into joining an ADHD group. I said I wasn't interested and he wouldn't take no for answer, so I finally sort of agreed to "give it a try." He wanted /week!!!! No way! I went anyway once and, predictably, didn't like it. So, the next day I called his secretary and told her to cancel me out of the group. The (let's call him) "doctor" called me back and had a total caniption. Said how I told him I would commit to going and how the group is negatively affected when one person comes and goes like that.

Ugh. I said basically, "No means No."

Well, I went to my appt. the other day (2 mo. later) and he would still NOT let it go. He started out by saying, "About the group...they thought you were only concerned about yourself."

I went into a barely controlled rage and told him...

"Really? That's interesting that you would tell me something unflattering when I haven't even asked you what someone(s) think of me. I wonder why you would do that? But, OK since you have, then let me say this...they ought to be worried about when I'm thinking of THEM. I'm going to go through each person and I expect that you'll take my feedback to them 'for their health.'"

He said he probably wouldn't do that, and that he thought it would just be helpful for me to have feedback about how others see me and maybe why I have had troubled relationships (or if I have them in the future, why this is so). I thought that was the most manipulative tactic--and just f*#ing with a person's head. To me, it's completely disfunctional, especially when you put it all in context.

ADHD people tend to be sensitive enough to pick up on things like sincerity, non-verbal cues, etc. I was definitely sensing that he just wanted to take a swipe at me, not help me. It felt like he had been saving up some anger...even his body language and pace of speech were agitated and clipped. It was definitely not to help me 'grow" -- it felt like he was getting satisfaction of some sort. I can tell the difference.

I took the gloves off and said, "Well, to me it looks like you are very angry and haven't been able to let this go. You and I talked about this over two months ago, and I have completely forgotten about it. And, another thing...YES, in this context, I am thinking ONLY of myself. I couldn't give a damn about the people in the group. I don't even KNOW them...I met them ONCE. In this environment, I come first; that is why I'm here; and that is why I am paying you. I am not paying you so that I can take care of other people. If I wanted to do that, I would go and volunteer someplace. So, tell them 'Congratulations, they are very perceptive."

Then he added, "Well, it was very irresponsible of you to not commit."

I said, "You manipulated me into going. I told you I wasn't interested, but you kept pushing until I gave in. I didn't like what I saw and I made a quick decision. This is taking care of myself. People do it all the time. If the people in your group can't handle that after 2 months, then maybe they are far too fragile to handle life or to even BE in a group setting."

He tried again to make his point by telling me, "When you commit to a group, you should follow through. And, maybe by receiving feedback that you seem to only care about yourself, this will help you."

I said, "You're not going to let it go, are you? I can tell by looking at you that you're very angry. And, I can also tell that you are not going to see it any other way, and you know why? Because, frankly, I don't think your ego can handle it."I think you have the need to be right."

Then, "Ok, I don't remember committing to anything and we would need a video camera to prove who said what at any rate, but let's just say that I give you the benefit of the doubt and that I did commit to some long term situation that cost a lot of money that I'm not really interested in...it is the responsible thing to change your mind if you see that you don't like something.

It would be stupid of me to continue to go. What if it turned out that you were running a satanic cult? Should I keep going just because I said I would "commit?" I make decisions and people will need to adjust. I am very generous when I decide to give to someone. Right now I take care of my elderly father and I give to the fullest extent. People will KNOW when I am giving. And, there is no crime in protecting my space. I cannot give to others unless I take care of myself first, or they will need to be caring for ME!"

I mean, we ended up in a full-on argument. I was pissed as a frustrated hornet. Weirdly, after I confronted him, he backed off and tried to be Mr. Nicey to me. We left on a friendly note...mine was fake because I was mentally planning my 'get away' strategy.

Geez, I worry about how vulnerable we are to people like him who, in my opinion, are just carrying on some sick way of dealing with people that he probably learned in life. I truly think he is just used to being right and not being humble or questioned. Basically, I think he is a psychological bully. I happened to be feeling a little particularly more on my feet that day or I might have been really beaten down.

As it was, I needed to go home and take a Xanax (I haven't taken one in two months!) The next day I discovered I was PMSing...oops. Well, I guess he just got my full-strength push back. hee hee

bbird

BB,

Some people just love power and are on a permanent ego trip. It sure sounds like he is one of them. You went to see him, therefore, he is the authority and you should just take his advice and fork over the bucks! Yeah, right. You have ADHD, you aren't brain dead.

It sounds like you are not getting what you are going to him for. It may be a hassel but if it were me, I'd look for someone else and stop wasting my time and money on him. Once the initial hassel is over, you will probably have less strife in every area of your life.

If his purpose is to make you angry and get you to show it, he did a great job. If his purpose is to enable you to live successfully as an ADHDer in a non ADHD world, he sucks at his job. Fire the loser! He isn't going to change.

Why do people insist on saying to me your son will out grow some of this my son was like that when little.They also say part of this just boy related. This chaps my rear when I hear it. True adhd is not outgrown and neither is Ld.