I love crowds, especially when I am the focus of attention. The bigger the crowd, the better. I do some public speaking and like all speakers, I get HUGE butterflies just before I am introduced. After around a minute in the spotlight, I settle down and have a great time. My problem with parties is the small talk one has to make. I typically wind up cornering someone and getting into some deep philosophical conversation about politics or religion. (I'm a bit of a news junkie.) They usually get bored or uncomfortable enough that I sense it and let them off the hook. Then I'm embarrassed by my social ineptitude and try to find my way to the exit.
Know what I mean?
ChiefB38146.771412037Crowds intimidate me terribly if its social. I have enough trouble thinking about what to say to one person and not sounding stupid and the more people talking around me, the more confused I get. I tend to avoid most situations where I don't know all the people well. At one point I couldn't go to family reuinions but I realized that each individual was someone I know well and love and who love me. Now I go but I tend to talk to one or two at a time.
When its something like public speaking, I love it! I make sure I am well prepared and just do it. I feel like it is the one time when I am taken seriously as an intelligent person and can't get enough of it! I wouldn't want to make a career of it but when I get the chance, its great!
Same here ChiefB,
People talk with great enthusiasm about the car they bought, the weather, the sale at the department store, who may be traded to the Yankees, etc. The last conversation like this was about a guy's car. He told everyone about the model and features. The color he wanted was not available and would take three months. He described in great detail the mental process he went through to decide if he wanted to wait that long or settle for his second color choice and get it right away.....................and I'm thinking "I wonder if this guy has an opinion on the Middle East situation?"
I usually jump right into politics or religion. I think it is because this small talk is just noise. If I listen for an hour I walk away knowing nothing more than I did before the conversation. I like to find out what people really think about important things. To me, that is interesting.
Absolutely! I agree! Important topics (ie politics and religeon) are a blast to talk about (although I can get pretty opinionated) But small talk is just annoyingYeah I'm terrible with groups of ppl. I tend to tune out a lot. or I get really restless and don't know where to look. There is a "smoke room" where I work and it's really small, everybody sits there chatting except me who either can't concentrate on the conversation or I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking"oh my god whats the deal with this wierdo". I also worry about making other ppl feel uncomfortable and when things go silent I automatically blame myself. Whenever I go for a smoke now, I listen outside the door before I go in; if I hear voices, I'll go to the photocopier and photocopy my hand or something. When I'm walking down town can be difficult to, because I have to look at every single person who passes me, I've often looked at the wrong kind of ppl and they've given me an "angry" look back for making eye contact. I'm constantly catching ppls eye and having one of those awkward moments.I have always had problems in a crowd of people. No matter how well I know them. When I'm one-on-one with someone - no problem at all! And sometimes 2 people is okay too.
But at a party, say a whole bunch of people are having a conversation I'm totally afraid to say anything.
I, too, get easily distracted at parties. When I'm with a few people I'm sure they think I'm rude cuz I can't help but look up at people walking by or I can't help picking up other conversations, etc. Let's just say I actually avoid parties now. I just tell my coworkers I'm antisocial. They laugh cuz they know I love to talk . . . when I'm with each one individually.
You wanna know the weird thing . . . I have to teach training classes at work to customers and I can get up in front of a room full of strangers (16 people usually) and give my presentations with no problem. Guess because it's pretty much scripted . . .
I picked the best choice for me (3) but it doesn't say enough. I didn't know I was different until I started reading about ADHD. I just thought I was me. Kind of cranky and opinionated, a procrastinator, not a morning person, someone who didn't live up to my potential, was kind of lazy and unmotivated. It was an awakening to find out my personality (who I am or thought I was) could be the result of a brain disorder/disfunction whatever you want to call it. I just thought I didn't like crowds because they were to noisy, hot, distracting and annoying. Not to mention that getting ready and making the effort to go somewhere there are crowds seemed like way to much work.I don't have the feeling the crowd is closing in on me. But if I don't have enough personal space I get clostraphobic (did I spell that right?).I seem to be easily distracted. I think it's because I like to always know whats going on around me and when at a stadium or arena that just isn't feasable. When I'm not comfortable with those around me I tend to keep part of my awareness on alert. The more probable the trouble - the higher the awareness. Considering the stuff happening today, perhaps a little awareness is a good thing though. I have a friend who is diagnosed with ADHD and has taken Ritaline for some years now. He LOVES to be in crowded situations; and says he always has; even before his meds. Crowds for me; are terrifying. I'm afraid of not fitting in; or saying something stupid. So I am wondering if this is more of a personality trait than another symptom of ADHD. Vote as many choices as apply to you, and as many times as you want. Or reply with any reasons not listed. THANKS GUYS!
Do you tend to have anxiety when in crowds, Like they are closing in on you? I sure do. But I have found that my meds are making it a little easier. I don't know if it's the stress being relieved; or if I'm having a behavioral change yet or not. I still am not comfortable with small talk in crowded rooms. I find that if i'm in that situation; my brain just goes wild with nonsense while trying to think of something to say. It's so dumb (or so it seems)
gr8art38146.4643981481[QUOTE=sumiah]
i have serious issues with feeling 'obvious' meaning if i'm at a restaurant i could literally sit in my seat even though i reallllllly need to go pee..just b/c i dont' want to walk across the room. it is a serious issue. i am really embarrassed ..it seems mortifying to walk across a room!! how stupid is that?
[/QUOTE]
It's not stupid sumiah.Although it feels like it. I had just the same probem saturday night, only I was in the room with friends watching a dvd. I was scared to get up and walk afew steps to the door to go to the loo. I ended up staying sat down until it hurt so much i HAD to go.
It's wierd, I get all sorts of thoughts about it like, "what if i walk funny" or "where will I look, should I look at the floor-but that would make me look miserable,should i look up-but maybe I'll catch someone's eyes and make them uneasy"
i'm wierd and here's the rundown..none of the options up there suited me:
when i'm at school i'm super anxious..i can just feel my face blushing..and my hands sweat and i'm totally uncomfortable. i hate the crowds there. i guess its b/c i never felt like i belonged. highschool was hell. left a bad taste in the mouth.
i hate the crowds in malls. again anxiety.
sometimes i don't mind a crowd, like in an airport b/c i feel less 'obvious' then. i have serious issues with feeling 'obvious' meaning if i'm at a restaurant i could literally sit in my seat even though i reallllllly need to go pee..just b/c i dont' want to walk across the room. it is a serious issue. i am really embarrassed ..it seems mortifying to walk across a room!! how stupid is that?
i can barely order from a waiter or any other person face to face..like at a bank. i try and struggle to not blush and remain neutral toned and SPEAK up so that they can hear me properly. what is wierd is that i'm known for being a very outspoken and relatively confident normally..but really only confident about my opinions and my thought process vs. me being confident about 'myself'
i for awhile struggled to force myself to enter the grocery store or places like that..stores and whatnot b/c of my anxiety.
so i have anxiety issues...
but they vary with circumstance. almost anywhere in public i will be ill at ease. and i hate parties.
i am talkitive with my coworkers and fine with them..but thats b/c they are ppl that i know now.
sumi
Some times I feel funcional, that I can be around people easy going, and confident... Other times I am self consious and scared out of my wits, that I just don't belong.
The last 3 years working for Credit Bureau has put me out in front having to give talks to big important people like loan officers and presidents, CEO and such - teaching them!!!
The only thing having made it easier is that I had such a good phone personality, that when I finally meet these groups there is usually one or two that come forward to warmly welcome me and introduce themself. And it has been amazing how this action, warms the others up in the group that don't know me.
I am usually not in front giving the talks, but quite often during the day my boss will purposely ask me to contribute on a matter. I don't always stand up either, I will just muddle through with my responses... I never ever come prepared to a meeting knowing what I am going to talk about -
Because this area of information is just always running through my mind, usually once someone asks a "trigger question" I revert to automatic pilot mode and get carried away rambling from memory on the subject.
Also it is a gratifying experience when the classes break up people will seek me to explain in more detail on given things... like they will actually bring credit reports in for me to look over and explain them.
So to me no matter my fear of lacking self esteem, I have been fortunate to find a nack that I am good once put out in front of people.
LOl i can't even be on the elevator with ppl usually and feel comfortable..there are these two elevator guys that are working on our four elevators at the office where i work..and they totally unnerve me..to the point that i actually would probably opt if i felt particularly sheepish one day to walk up to the 11th floor where i work.
its not like these guys are scary in the sense that i'm worried about assault..i just can't bear being alone with them on the elevator. its like you could cut the uncomfortability with a chainsaw..and this morning..i had to ride with them
and i stupidly started asking questions about how the elevator functions..b/c i was too squirmy to just stand there and take the tension..and i succeeded only to make myself look like a total dork. yay!
oh yes.
but if i just clam up..i get off the elevator like i'm running away..b/c i usually am..its like i hold my breath in every time unless it is what i percieve as a friendly group of ppl...it sucks.
i seriously do not look forward to being on the elevator. i prefer being completely alone on them.
sumi
so yeah i'm just now getting around to reading that page 1 of this thread..and prettylost i can totally relate to how you feel.
when i am with ppl i know well i can chat all damn day..but when i'm around strangers and i'm uncomfortable..i totally fall apart. i'm basically 'afraid' of ppl..
oh my gawd.
i'm totally fritzed today
i kept on posting and what i meant to say this whole time is that
i too catch ppls' eye prettylost..and its such an issue! especially when i'm driving. i live in texas and there are a lot of dudes around here who drive in trucks..or with gangs of workers in the bed of trucks..and i HATE THAT. my best friend and i make jokes about accidentally engaging someones' eye..particularly the workers on trucks..b/c they stare you down. not angry..just like 'hey that chica is really hot for me" as if they could jump off the truck and come on over to my car and i would screw them or something..it is so freaking unnerving. its like as a woman you're 'admitting'..yeah baby i dream about you. when in reality i'm totally spaced out in gridlock traffic thinking my random stuff and i suddenly snap into conciousness and i've been looking at him. damn myself!
i wonder what my deal is? whats with catching ppls' eye..when i totally want to avoid them? i do feel antisocial..i just don't want to deal with ppl most of the time..and yes like others have mentioned. i hate chit chat. yes lets talk about your weak arguments about the war...or why you would actually watch a roman polansky film when he's a pedophile..or the dr congo and sudan and chad..and how the l.r.a are killing and kidnapping tons of kids in uganda..
but you want to talk about 'american idol" i'm about to throw up
my eyes are rolling so hard they're going to get stuck in my head
so although my coworkers love me..i never can participate in any of their stupid convos. and i'm glad b/c most of the time i would totally rake them over the coals if they only knew what i thought about the silly small talk about that girl on the bachlorette etc. if i have a person ask me one more time if i've seen this or that stupid reality show i'm going to FREAK. its not like its my duty as an american to watch tv and watch what they watch..its like i'm out of the loop b/c i just couldn't care to do that on a weekly basis. when 'normal' ppl engage in these topics (it seems most of the time) i just cannot participate. its boring . it sucks...it makes me feel like they are all sooooooooooooooooo shallow.
i know that in some ways that is completely a bad way of thinking about my fellow man..but i'm very interested in social justice and the state of the world..the crisis and what are we going to do about that?
no one wants to talk about it. they think i'm all serious and doom and gloom but i could totally write an essay on whatever it is concerning those topics.
i refuse to play trivial pursuit. i ace the science questions and the history..i cannot even fathom an answer for sports except "wayne gretsky" "michael jordan" thats it. if i know their name they are REALLY famous b/c my mind is completely blank about a lot of popular culture.
(although at the bequest of my best friend..who totally asked me to deepen my 'shallow' side..and we have argued about that ..why would i do that? isn't there enough shallowness? its like asking me to give myself the disease..i do like shopping for clothing)
That is so funny, that sounds like me, about watching TV, I could really care less about them reality shows, they are stupid totally.
If I do watch TV, I stick with news, documenteries, animal planet or once in a while a good comedy movie or maybe even action. But I don't watch a series every night - oh there is just one on Sunday I keep coming back around to, but that is just once a week. Rest of my time is on the computer.
I am not so disturbed around people, I think any more my aggitation is up higher to totally be distracted in my own little world to think much about them. Oh I am aware of how I look a lot, I don't dress up, bother with make up, very plain, in fact I know I wear some of the most messed up thrown together outfits. I just don't bother with how I look these days.
On the weekend though - it is like pulling teeth for husband to talk me out of the house, I don't want to leave, don't want to be bothered with joining the world out there. I am perfectly fine at home by myself.
Though I do crave interaction, I make up for that with my work talking daily with strangers on the phone. Oh some of them I have known 3 years now, but I don't hardly ever expect to meet them, easy to give the impression that I am just a terrific person who fixes all their problems, and a do gooder, but outside of the office I am completely different - usually in kill mode trying to drive from work to home.
I know I am nothing but a series of opposite reactions to many things. I don't know my own mind half the time.