I was born more than 3 weeks late.
After I turned 3 years old I decided to talk. Doctors said that I was mentally retarded, I say that I just like to take my own time. During grade school I was always near the top of the class in math and science but in the bottom group in reading and writing. I enjoy math and have the hardest time writing papers. I enjoy thinking, reading several books at one time, coming up with a tremendous amount of great ideas, starting some but hardly finishing any. I have lists, if I miss place a list then I redo the list. 50% of the mess in my office consists of paper scraps with lists, notes to self, people's contact information, calculations, etc. I enjoy learning new languages, knowing about astronomy, creating craft sculptures, creative projects, figuring out better ways to do things, running/hiking, cooking, and the list goes on. But for a while I have lost my passion and direction.
My motivation & energy are low. Hard to do what I need to do, which creates anxiety. Start things but difficult to finish, might come back to it later. Time management for me is doing things on my own schedule. I Procrastinate, very difficult to focus on writing papers. I try using an outline for writing papers but I have such a hard time placing my thoughts on paper. I recently bought a digital voice recorder so that I can spit out my thoughts before they get over taken by another thought(s). If my mind gets caught on something then it is hard to let go of it and I become very detailed oriented. My ideas and thoughts are always changing as new information and realizations are discovered. I have had recent multiple lay offs. My most recent layoff I was told that I was being let go because “I was not the best match for the position even though I had a good work ethic and high intelligence”. Hard to get out and be social and I don't mind being alone (I am also introverted). Relationships struggle. My most recent relationship I sabotaged because it was draining any positive energy that I had and I didn't know of any other way to get out of it (Ironically she is the only one that told me I have major ADD). I some how found away to graduate with a BS in Biochemistry. I am getting my MBA but finding it hard to focus, especially writing papers. I have one class left and I am fearful of it. I Constantly feel that I can do so much and that there is a huge well of potential that doesn't get realized. There have been many times that I should be some much greater than what I am. As a child my report cards and the parent teacher conferences pointed out that I needed to focus more. I talked to much with others around me and I day dreamed often. If something doesn't interest me in a classroom setting then I will begin thinking about something else. I tend to think about I carry around a note pad just in case I become bored and need to write. I always print. I am always talking to myself in my mind. I am told that when I am deep thought or I am reading or researching and I am interrupted that I am snippy or rude. It is so hard for me to change gears on the fly. I am a slow, say each word in my minds voice (try this with an organic chemistry text book), but I can retain a lot of information.
What I remember is at times having many ideas going through my head but finding it very difficult to stick with one thing. I walk around when I need to think and I enjoy driving because I get a lot of thinking done that way.
At times I use a friend's adderall and I notice an amazing difference. The difference is that I can act on things rather than letting things consume me.
Adderall makes me feel as if things are clearer. Great productive energy that allows me to organize and stay on task. My mind feels alive with the electricity of ideas and thoughts.
I feel that this medication enhances what I consider as a gift from God. I take in so much around me and have a huge hunger for learning yet I am organized and I feel very passionate. I can recognize when I am falling into an bad habit but the difference is that I can do something about it when taking adderall. Using medication has opened up a my world.
After spending many hours reading this forum yesterday and experiencing today with out adderall has driven me to see my doctor tomorrow. I don't have insurance but I am willing to pay the full price for not having to have the feeling of being chained down. Enough is enough!
I'll keep you posted with part 2 of my story
I was epileptic w/spd and LD.I can't finish cause I am always having to assist my kids. They don't do unless stood over them. I'm right there with you Benjamin. I am so much like you. I love what Adderall does for me.