Marching to the beat of a different drum | ADHD Information
Stupid!!!!!
I think I got the spelling right although I don't recall whether there were five exclaimation points or six. Surely, there were no less than that. I am certain that I got the font and emoticons right though. At any rate, that was my name for the seven years that I lived with my aunt after my mom died. I was called often and with great enthisiasm, if you get my drift. Don't get me wrong. I am not looking for a pity party. I want to make the point that even with all of that negative energy, I never believed that I was stupid. Yes, I got terrible grades. I was painfully shy and still am. I "would forget my head if it wasn't attached to my body". I was, and still am, chronically late. Yes, I let everyone take advantage of me. Yes, yes, yes!!! But despite all of the evidence to the contrary, I knew that I was a very high functioning human being. Somehow, I just knew.
Anyone else?
Actually, my Dad used to tell people that I was his "smart" kid but I didn't have any motivation. I am paraphrasing because my Dad would not use the word motivation. Both my brother and sister went to college. Just the idea of it scared me silly becuase I knew there was no way I could even begin to do all the reading required. I went to Technical college for 1 semester and ended up droppling all but one class. My Mom was so much like me it is scary. I am sure she had ADHD. She never put me down. Now the Nuns in Catholic school they were another story. I was either just ignored or told that I didn't live up to my potential. Thank GOD I didn't let them get to me.
Somehow all my life I have been given the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time I feel like a fake, like somehow I've fooled all these people and I don't know how. I think maybe it is the hyperfocus factor. When I do, do something I usually do it well. Problem is I need to have a fire burning my backside to get me into action. I am also chronically late. So much so that people give me an earlier time to be somewhere so I get there close to on time.
gettingagrip38147.4115393519Let's see, basically all my childhood and high school years my mother constantly told me I was lazy and selfish. Then it seems like I spent my twenties and early thirties trying to prove her wrong. I tried to work really hard, put in a lot of overtime, and then I worked on all kinds of home projects (which I HATED doing), I would spend anywhere from 8 to 12 hours cleaning my house every Saturday. All so that I could look at myself in the mirror and say "See you are *not* lazy!" I was absolutely miserable all those years!
Eek, finally I gave up on all that and resigned myself to the fact that I was, indeed, lazy. Now I am 45 and recently diagnosed ADHD. Holy cow! I cannot tell you how "freeing" this was for me! I'm really *not* lazy, I just need medication to help me through is all. Sheesh! You know the old saying "if I only knew then what I know now . . . "
Oh - and I have absolutely no concept of how long anything will take to do or how long it will take me to arrive at a destination. I'm either late or quite early . . . never on time either way!
kimo38147.8109259259Thats interesting. Both of you say that you are chronically late. I'm the other direction. I am obsessed with being early. I hyperfocus on making sure that nothing will make me late. My wife and daughter get a kick out of us always getting to where we need to go a half an hour early. Then they kinda razz me a bit. "Gee dad; now what do we do?" I don't mind the razzing at all. I usually wonder why I thought we'ed be right on time.
Here's some good one's I've been told...
"You'll be late to your own funeral"
"Will you just stop and think before you do anything?"
"Do you think before you speak?
"Don't you listen?/Are you deaf?"
"If you just tried... ..."
I've believed I was stupid for so long, but now that I'm on Adderall I'm finally starting to realize that I'm NOT an idoit, my brain is just different!
"You're smart enough to know better."
"You don't have any excuses, you just don't work hard enough."
"You just need self-discipline."
"You're smart, you're just lazy."
"Why don't you get with the program?"
"Wake up and smell the coffee."
"Are you on dope?"
The last one is funny, because now I am on dope (Strattera) and doing much better!
Hey gettingagrip,
I can relate to the feeling like a fake. I think when we have ADD and don't know it, we end up faking a lot. By that I mean that we miss so much. You know, pieces of the conversation, parts of the instructions, parts of a teacher's lecture. So we learn to fill in the blanks. We don't even realize we are doing it, but we have to to get along. aAnd we often get very good at it. In school and career I have had to pretend to function just like everyone else. So I know that I have had to fake it a lot. Interestingly I have developed an ability to outperform most non-ADDers in tasks for which there is no preperation time and that require improvistation and "shooting from the hip".
Hey gr8art,
I too have always been obsessively early. My wife and kids would always give me a hard time about us arriving at the airport and sitting for an hour and a half. I think it is some sort of coping strategy I developed very early on. I have such a poor perception of time, I always leave very very early for anything. If I have a meeting that is an hour drive away, I normally would leave about 2 1/2 hours before the meeting "just in case".
I am getting a little better now about judging time.
I totally understand the concept of time thing. If I'm supposed to be somewhere, I just wait around and then kind of go when the time feels right. And it's usually wrong. So I'll end up having to run the last distance in order to get there "late" as opposed to "really really late". .
I feel lazy and stupid, it's like there's this fog thats clouding my potential in my head. People can be pretty cruel and ultra condescending it sucks.
"Why can't you just settle down and buy a house"
"It's about time you grew up and stopped chasing rainbows"
"You're one slice short of a loaf"
"LAZY!!"
But despite saying all of these things they then have the nerve to turn around and say:
"You're normal! There's nothing wrong with you" 
Thanks for all the responses
Feel free to add more 
Oh! I thought of another one!
After a long story you've just told to someone and you're laughing your brains out and they just stare at you and say,
"You're weird".
lizzy,
I have a variation on that one, i am laughing and suddenly realise nobody else is. others are looking at me, then they turn sideways and just look at each other. They are hoping someone will break the silence by mentioning something competely different. "Alone again naturely", what song is that from? anyone remember.
The song is "Alone again, naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan. I *love* that song!! I have it on one of my 70's collections CDs. 
I wanted to share this story also . . . back in the 80's, when I was a programmer, I had this boss who was a real piece of work. Long story short, after he was fired from the company (he had his good qualities and one was sticking his neck out for his employees), I ran into him at a store. He told me "You know, I really wanted to fire you because you are so weird. But you were such a good programmer. Ideas went into your office and really good programs came out. So I just looked at you like an artist. They are weird too."
[QUOTE=ryan1950]
"Alone again naturely", what song is that from? anyone remember.
Oh Yeah! I can totally relate. There is a stigma attached to artists. I can't count how many times people have told me (in fun usually) "Artists are wierd" or..... "You're in a world all your own"
The following come to mind.
From grade school
"needs to concentrate and apply himself more. He is very bright but needs to apply himself to his work"
I'm currently 30. I've gotten these comments lately
"Your too smart for you own good"
"You just need to start one project and finish it"
From my mother in law
"That boy is always late" wife told me about this one.
I've gotten these as I've started to go to the doctor for ADD.
"Just stop thinking about ADD and be happy" I found this one funny actually, as in my mind I don't remember being unhappy. I have always forced myself to be happy if that makes any sense.
"You can't possibly have ADD and work with computers"
I have a really funny one that I'm called, "You're as ODD as 2 left feet".
"You're as ODD as 2 left feet".
LOL.
I've been told things similiar to that but couldn't think of any of them at the time.
I do remember responding to some of the things like that with "I am glad I'm not like everyone else." Because I enjoy being different. Sometimes I believe I say things just to see a shocked reaction from people. You know the "man you must be from Mars" look. LOL
Hey !, Spot on," Vive La Difference", Oh yes! another one," What Galaxy are you from" It's great ain't it. Hemmm!
Hi there I am girl of 18yrs old next month all my life I have been let down by people always say to me
''your so selfish all you think about is yourself''
''You can act normal if you wanted too''
People would say to my mum ''what an awful child can't you do nothing with her''
People or family members would often say theres nothing wrong with her its just excuses. Having ADHD since I was dianosed when I was 6yrs old is an excuse for my bad behaviour, smashing up things, shouting, getting angry, never listening or keeping still in school, can't understand what has been said to me or I forget things all the time & always repeat what I say. Oh yeah thats really me being normal I don't think so
Kimo,
Thanks! That line has been "Stuck" in my brain all day and it was doin' me head in. Unlike you i am a newbie to this Technology and the Internet in particular.It has opened me up from the very closed existence i had up to this point in my life. 
Let's see here, I doubt if I can remember them all. Lazy, unmotivated, constantly told that if I would apply myself I could do better than xx, late for my own funeral, late for my own wedding (which I nearly was, to both of them), unco-ordinated, and my very favorite one BLONDE! I know there are more but I have learned to ignore them for so long that I don't remember ! That's one thing I am greatful to ADD for! chronic underachiever! that was another one.
thought of more. space cadet, spaced out, no child of mine is crazy so act normal, you are living in a fantasy land, where'd you go?
barb38150.4761921296I have had my share of "comments" also some of my fav's were
"if only you would apply yourself"
"why can't you be more like your sister" (I am the oldest)
"why don't you grow up. you have screwed up so many times"
Well, I am not a screw up. I have had some really good jobs, I have taken by correspndece and got a 90 average my Business Mangement Diploma class, currently taking a accounting class to give me letters behind my name and have a 90 average in that one. So I know I am doing ok. I have 2 happy, healthy kids and a happy husband, so I thinkI am doing ok for myself. Did make a few BIG mistakes along the way though 
How often have you heard stuff like:
"You're marching to the beat of a different drum"
I was wondering what other kind of "one liners" other people with adhd have heard throughout their lives. Soom are harmless and even funny, but others such as:
"You're a normal person so just act normal!"
Can really effect us,
Any others?
Thanks
Here's some of my favorites from my family as I was growing up:
"Stupid lazy goodfornuthin kid"
"I know you can do better than that if you just apply yourself"
"If you don't get your act together quick; your wife is gonna leave you" (luckily she never heard that one. Just my parents opinion)
"One of these days, life is gonna hit you square in the face. Maybe then you'll get serious about it"
It's ironic; I spent so much time believing that stuff. And that "verbal abuse" is the very thing that changed my life. After being diagnosed with ADHD; it was like being able to take a breath for the first time in my life. Life wasn't so opressive any more. No wonder I had "mother" issues all my life. Now I can look at my mom; and KNOW she was wrong. No more hard feelings (thanks to the meds) And now at 50; I can finally get started on life. It's never too late! But the REALLY ironic part of it is that the very thing that plagued me CAME from her and my dad! I can look back and recognize the symptoms of ADHD clearly in them!
Wierd huh!
Ahh High School the uhmmm "good old days". I took mostly Art classes when I got done with my required courses in 9th and 10th grades. I did OK in Algebra and Geometry because I could always get the homework done in class or study hall. I liked Biology so that was easy. I even took Biology II my senior year. I was never very good at English except I took this one elective about media that caught my interest and I did well. Dropped out of Typing and Chemisty because I knew I would not do the work and I would just get to worked up about it. When I did have History (HATED IT,HATED IT, HATED IT). I wouldn't/couldn't do the reading. In the morning I would have so much anxiety before the class. Luckily I had some acquaintances that I would pump for information before the class and I somehow got through with C's. I hung around with kids 2 years younger than me becuase I did not fit in with my peers. It was an awful time in my life. I only hope my ADHD son can do better when it is his turn. Maybe because I have been there I can help him get through it.
OH MY GOD! i can relate to all of you. i feel like a fake smart person. b/c i didn't get my degree.
im asian. half korean. my mother constantly actually beat me b/c i was so "lazy" or razy if you put in the accent.
i felt like such a loser. i don't even want to talk about my school history b/c everyone thinks automatically that i'm a great student with straight a's..and in reality i was seriously erratic. i would bounce back and forth from remedial to advanced LOL..i wouldn't do any of my homework and it pissed me off b/c i could pass my tests. but i just couldn't do homework. i practically got an ulcer from having to look my teachers in the eye and just tell them i didn't do it. it was horrible
ahh memories.
sumi