To The Resistance!! | ADHD Information
Are you around here? I Just hope you are doing ok. I am worried about
you. Whatever is going on in your life, I hope it turns out better.
Don't stop striving. Don't stop thinking. Don't stop being our The
Resistance! In fact, you are much more worthwhile than the entire
catterpillar family. I am sorry for talking stupid on August 14th.
Please forgive those pm's. And most of all, please feel better.
Oh and sorry to put this here, your pm box is full.
Rest easy Kid.
The rest of this is a self-pity party, please skip it.
If The Resistance! fails living outside of the matrix......no.
So what if I am a financial failure and will need to work kid jobs I
hate for the next ten years until I am 50 to catch up to, let alone
pass my debt.
So what if I'm not an artist anymore. I showed my work the one time to
rave reviews - other artists were envious of stuff I created on a whim,
in my basement. One said after about 10 beers he wanted to "sh*t
himself over the originality" when he first saw it.
So effing what if I have a talent for sculpture too and don't do it anymore.
Who cares if I wrote a play that when performed drove people to ask for
my autograph and predict great things for me. I never wrote another
line.
What does it matter that I can write freelance articles and sell them
almost as much as I want to write? I haven't published one in years.
What does it matter that I have at least one good novel in me and I'm sure of it? I don't write, writers do that.
Why worry over a divorce? I'm very difficult, why pull anyone else down?
I don't sweat my obvious dependance on prescription meds for ADD
either. Who needs 'em - I'll have my kid's jobs to keep me focused
after the insurance is cancelled.
My old truck - my only transportation is broken but I can't fix it. It would make a slammin' bonfire.
I'm faster, more creative and more intelligent in many ways than most
people I meet. These warm thoughts can suffice for home heating this
winter.
I'm still here and flying the bird at the mundane world - not because I
feel that resistance but because I know it is still the right thing to
do. If someone doesn't remain standing in the storm, the flood will
take us all. I still rage at the darkness that has descended.
Pride is the root of all suffering.Resistance,
Your feelings are valid (sorry, that sounded like something right out
of a 12-step program). But, they are...I've wiped out in life too. When
I do, I have to sort of hit bottom, sit there, absorb the pain, assess
the situation, and hope for a new carrot to inspire me again.
For some reason, when I go through this, it helps me to look at people
who didn't handle things like this well (famous murderers, like Betty
Broderick, for example). Then I think, "What could they have done
differently? Prison HAS to be one of the ultimates in
misery--especially for me. I would have good ideas and no way to act on
them." It's my own particular way of dealing with it, I guess.
FYI--Mrs. Broderick was the woman who had it all (money, status). Her
attorney general husband had an affair <later married the woman>
and she was so jealous, vindictive, and obsessed that she ended
up murdering him and his new wife, losing the interest of her children,
and spending her life in prison. Thing was, she HAD a good life even
though he left her...she had money. So, I look at those cases and just
wonder what it would have taken for her to have a different outcome,
cause her rage WAS understandable to me. My answer always comes up the
same...she needed to find a way to see things differently, whether it
took drugs, therapy, whatever. She would have had a wonderful life. She
would have had options. In time, the sting and emotion may have passed.
Who knows? Maybe her husband would have come back to her? Time does
weird things. She might have met someone new and better. She might have
discovered a new talent. See what I mean? Far as I'm concerned, every
day out of jail is a good day. :o) There are still options; you
are still free and, I assume, have your eyes, ears, limbs, etc.
You still have something to work with.
I can't remember which famous person said this (a carmaker maybe?), but
it went something like, "If you took away everything I own (money,
possessions) but left me my employees, I could rebuild."
I worked my way out of a financial disaster and lots of nickel &
dime, hard labor jobs...I just had to make a plan, then work the plan
and be grateful for things like a good night's sleep and food on the
table. You can rebuild and fit your creative things in too.
Hang in there.
bluebird
How many more? Always just one more time, thats all.
[QUOTE=floofthegoof][QUOTE=Davidornado]did'jagoof,floof? [/QUOTE]No goof.
If someone who strives bases their happiness on
achievements, they can never be happy. Resistance is making a
deliberate choice to be unhappy because he only had one successful
art show. Would two make him happy? Three? How many does it take to
find happiness?
Go ahead and strive, but don't let it make you unhappy.[/QUOTE]YOu know, you may be right here. Let me think about it. But for now, I think
it's like me and sex. Once just didn't make me happy. Neither did two
or three times. BTW, I'm just a little bit pregnant, at 599 months.
Hello The Resistance! I don't know you, so I'm kind of stepping into what I believe may be the middle of a story, still...
Yes, it's very difficult to be an artist past forty. The necessities of life, those boring things like food and house payments and electricity bills, come to call and take you away from the artistic world in which you feel the most at home. The free hours you once had to create the visions in your head are replaced with mundane jobs that may or may not pay well. Even worse, the bills you must work so hard to pay often are a result of debts you accrued trying to make a living as an artist, believing someday your creative brain would "pay off." But it didn't, from the bank's perspective, and you're left with mundane jobs that deplete the energy you need to be creative and not completely succumb to what you see as mediocrity.
Well, I'm nearing fifty, and I've been there. My husband is older than I am, a professional musician, with a much more accomplished artistic brain than I have ever had or will ever have, and he's been there. And we can both tell you that "there" sucks, but you will get through it. You have to refuse to give up, to refuse to let the mundane in life make you feel like a failure. I know, I know. You don't have time to pursue your art, anymore. That's bull***t. You do have time, somewhere. Find it because it's the source of your peace.
lillian38589.0415046296
[QUOTE=ADviHDornorNado]Heyo, GarPaiKi,
I'll have to dissect this, as a paragraphic response may get lost in space. [/QUOTE][QUOTE=because GarbagePailKid]Hey David I wanna ask you a very personal question, about whether you
talk the way you sound over here when you type the way you do? Depends
on how much I've had to drink and who the audience is and how long ago
I took my one a day vitamins (the brain ones, that is) Because
it is interesting, I was wondering if you always spoke that way or if
that is a recent development No. Even with meds. Or without. in your brain?? Well, no, and yes. I was born a poor spaniard, without rythm. And then I found my special purpose...
Actually, I spake spahneesh before I speaked ingles, and we reverse the
order of the grandma. Now I have a little control of which language I'm
AD in, usually it depends on who I'm talking to, and what lexicological
or illogical topic we're discussing. All my math and chembio I know in
English, and have to translate it to Spanish. All my loving I like to
do in Spanish. Most of my socializing is either or. I'm known as the
Mexingo, or the Calicano, or the Tingo. No one calls me a Gringo, or a
Yankee, or a Tico. I've been called a German, once. If I have too much
to drink and attempt a serious conversation, I'll speak it in the
language of the communiquee, but in the grammar of the topic. Kinda
yodafication of a conversation. Sooo, yes, I speak like that. But no, I
don't. I have such a freaking hard time of communicating with important
others that I'll go out of my way to make sure I understand myself and
they do also. Besides, this is a written medium, so you can't expect an
ADr to write like they talk. No way. We can edit this. Once it's out of
our mouth, you can't edit without lying like a log.
And do people understand
what you mean at like a grocery line when you just wanna get some
hamburger meat? Yes.
I read body language, and rephrase it. Or I'll jump to conclusions, b/c
I think my hearing is AD, too. I think they said something, but they
said something else. So it is really wierd sometimes. Or if they think you sound broken up? Like, if you
tried, can you be matter of fact and concrete? Yep.
I'm a scientist, remember. But I'll practice for days before a
presentation. And I'll have it written down. But rarely read from it. But this is the way it
comes naturally, and you prefer? For
short conversations, probably. For longer ones, I don't think so. I'm
too all over the place. A coworker once said I have the attention span
of a gold fish, whatever that is. I think its a cracker of somekind,
BTW. See, I just reread what I typed, and I misunderstood you the first time. Uh,
asked and answered. Above where I was explaining my spanglish. Which I
never saw, btw. Did you? Do I prefer it? Yes, I do. I love to laugh,
even when I'm the butt, so yeah, I probably encourage it even. What time do you get up in the
morning, usually
around 09:00 or 10:00. Tlday, which is now yesterday, which makes this
tomorrow, when it was, I got up at 06:00. I go to bed late, ususally
BARB's fault, be she goes to bed even later, cuz she's in the central
time zone, or maybe eastern and do you eat breakfast? Yup.
Sugar Frosted Flakes and fresh fruit. Or cocoa pebbles, or cocco puffs,
or the new raisin bran with lots of sugar frosted flakes. I'll mix
some, sometimes. Just curious. Very curious. Do you
wake up with an alarm? Harldy ever, only if I have to meet someone early.Do you jog in the morning?
[/QUOTE]Jog?
what's jog? I'm fat. No, actually I do get close to a healthy BMI
during the winter, when I ski alot. I'll easily loose 20 to 25 pounds a
season. I'll ski my ass off in the winter, but do nothing in the
summer, except the bear thing: store up fat for the winter...
Hey, and remember, I'm posting mostly at night, when my blood levels of
my AD meds are at their lowest. If I've a critical appt or task, I'll
make sure my mxRxs are at max, and even spike them a bit if
necessary... and maintain the level if it's a prolonged need for
concentration... I do hyperfocus, but not on important things, like
keeping a job...
[QUOTE=GarbagePailKid]Oh and sorry to put this here, your pm box is full.
[/QUOTE]Okay,
no prob. It'll interst others, I'm sure. BTW, the full box is terrie's
fault. She was bored this afternoon and was teaching me Russoguese.
She's part russian and portuguese. She is hilarious, though. I'd hate
to see us together in public. The City's not big enough for that! Or
maybe it's they don't have enough police and firemen. Or firewomen.
Maybe we could meet in jail. hehe
Hey David I wanna ask you a very personal question, about whether you
talk the way you sound over here when you type the way you do? Because
it is interesting, I was wondering if you always spoke that way or if
that is a recent development in your brain?? And do people understand
what you mean at like a grocery line when you just wanna get some
hamburger meat? Or if they think you sound broken up? Like, if you
tried, can you be matter of fact and concrete? But this is the way it
comes naturally, and you prefer? What time do you get up in the
morning, and do you eat breakfast? Just curious. Very curious. Do you
wake up with an alarm? Do you jog in the morning?
did'jagoof,floof?
Hey TheRe,
My sentiments xacto.
x-ept, I've got 5 bonfire's worth in my backyard. And driving the sixth...
Hey, that's poetic. My truck is broke and I can't fix it. Like my life w/ ADHFD. Hey, they both now sound like CouNtry WesTerns.
My only life is broke and I can't fix it. Or,
My only wife is broke and I can't fix it. Or,
My, I'm broke, and I can't fix it.
Hey, on the bright side, be happy, don't worry. The next distraction is just a thought away...
BTW, I'm not joshin' ya. This is the real me there. On this post. Well,
part, anyway. Of me, that is. Here, not there. This is the real me
here. Not someone else, either. Just me. I'm not bi-schizo. Just ADHD.
Davidornado38589.0766898148I think...
[QUOTE=Davidornado]did'jagoof,floof? [/QUOTE]
No goof.
If someone who strives bases their happiness on achievements, they can never be happy. Resistance is making a deliberate choice to be unhappy because he only had one successful art show. Would two make him happy? Three? How many does it take to find happiness?
Go ahead and strive, but don't let it make you unhappy.