Stealing and sneaky | ADHD Information

I have a 13 yr old son with adhd and is taking meds. For years he has been going through my dresser drawers and my closet looking for sweets (candy, cookies, etc.). I allow him to have these things in moderation, but frankly, I don't let him have them if he has been stealing from me.

I tried just not having it around, but it's not fair to the rest of the household. I have tried hiding it many places and he still snoops. He only gets into my stuff, not his dad's. He tells me he can't help it. That he feels like he HAS to take it, even if he knows it's wrong. Okay, so why only my stuff?

I have tried punishing him by taking away priviledges like Game Boy, tv, computer time, etc. He is also supposed to stay out of my room, but doesn't. He has also stolen from stores and friends houses. I know it is the impulsivity, but how do you teach a kid like this that he can't have everything he sees? We have taught him values and his 10 yr old brother does not do this. His brother also has adhd.

Any feedback on this is most welcome. I have decided to go buy a safe today, but I know that is just putting a band aid on the sore, not curing it.

thanks,

Sharie

Thanks for all of the replies! I will try some of the suggestions and think about the others. I'll keep you posted.

Sharie

[QUOTE=kppy]

this is hard for an impulsive kid, i know. but letting mine suffer the consequences for his poor choices was the only way to get it through his head. he's 8. he took a trading card from a friend. i took all his (for a month) he snuck some ice cream- lost dessert for a week. he lied about putting away toys, i "bagged" them for 2 weeks.

[/QUOTE]

Taking away things has never worked with my son. Screaming works, but who really wants to do that? It seems attention and calmness on my part is helping the problems now by reducing the number of incidents.

We have also gone to a reward system for staying on his diet and taking his supplements. Make it through the week, and a candy bar on Saturday. I buy the candy bar early in the week and put it in the refrigerator so he can see it and be reminded it is his.

sarriaki,

at this point, i would be much more concerned about the stealing behavior in general. if he gets away with taking from his family and friends, then what's next? also, it's a bit suspicious that he takes from you and not your husband. why do you think that is?

if you've tried everything, as youv'e said, then maybe you need to use some stronger tactics. impulsive or not, if he continues, he'll end up in a bad spot.

sorry to sound so pessimistic, but i too have a son that at one point, looked to be headed in that direction. no longer, as i came down hard and scared the sh*t out of him. we talk all the time about choices around here. it's all about choices...

i explain, i give warnings and reminders, then, he's on his own.

i hope you find what works, soon

kppy

Sharie, then it sounds like you just dont have any other option than to not buy them.

Save sweet eating for parties etc. I know I rarely buy sweets, but the kids always seem to be getting them from relatives etc.

It doesnt make a child bad to sneak sweets. It is typical.

I would suggest bringing the sweets out into the open, putting them in a jar in an obvious place and telling your son that when he does "this or that" (ie make bed, water plants, whatever,) he can have one - use the sweets for a reward

Rae, I know it doesn't mean a child is bad if he sneaks sweets. I stole sweets and junk food from the corner store because my mom NEVER let us have it, not even when someone else gave it to us.

I have tried everything that has been suggested. I have made a game of it, used it as reward, left stuff out in the open, etc.. It's never enough. He will eat a weeks worth in one sitting. He has made himself sick from eating too much sugar.

I have decided to just not have it around all of the time. We all need to lose weight and really don't need to be eating empty calories. I guess I also worry because I am diabetic and am afraid for him too.

Thanks for the suggestions, though, it can't hurt to try again!

Sharie

Hmm stealing is one of the blessing of an ADHD child, and I don't know the answer other than continually reinforcing the wrongs of this behaviour to the child.

I thought of a funny suggestion when reading your post. What about making it into a game, a treasure hunt for him. Say once a week. Confine it to the living area of your house and let him go wild searching for things you've hidden.

Another suggestion give him a piece of paper with things written on it such as: stop sign, 4 leaf clover, fire hydrant, street light, basketball hoop, etc things around the house and neighbour hood and let him find these things and check them of during the week. When his list is completed give him a special treat.

Shelly

I have a 16 year-old who has been sneaking sweets for many, many years. At first I tried like you to hide things, but it doesn't work. Nor does disciplining in "normal" ways. If my child couldn't find candy/cookies/etc., she actually would eat spoonfuls of white sugar. The desire is strong. I tried not to make such a big deal out of it when I saw/heard a parent severly punish their child for eating/sneaking the same types of things. I was horified that a child would be so severly punished over something like that. (And the child kept doing it too). I always have sweets in the house and no longer hide them. Sometimes 1/2 the cookies are gone in a day...but now that is on very rare occasions. By not making the issue into something more than it is, it actually helped. I discussed w/my child more about health issues and the sneakiness. I tried to understand why there was such a desire for sweets, and discussed some options when she would feel the urge (fruit, applesause, yogart). One thing I have found is that many ADHD children have the same symptoms of lying, sneaking, etc. & that is very hard to accept w/you have given your child life lessons regarding morals, honesty, etc. Where it doesn't seem "wrong" to my child (at least at the time) my other children know it is not right or appropriate...even though they are much younger.

With an ADD child, chose your battles (there are a lot more serious ones). Believe me, I understand totally what you are going through. I feel for you and know that many others are going through, or have gone through, the same things you are!

Take care!

C'mon you guys, stealing and sneakiness is not just a trait of an ADHD child, if there are sweets in the house, any child with a hound dog nose for treats will track them down.

It doesnt make a child bad to sneak sweets. It is typical.

When food is hidden, it makes it a forbidden thing. By buying the treats, you are putting your son in a situation that he can think of nothing else. Either share them out equally, saying this is his and this is yours and this is the other sons and when he is gobbled them all up they are gone.

Also we have locks on everyones doors. So as no one else can enter them (except me who has all the keys) Therefore everyones privacy and belongings are protected.

Personally, when my kids gobble up the sweets, I take responsibility for leaving them out so temptingly.

Dont make him feel bad about it, it is normal.

I have a friend who has a degree in spec ed. She also has a son who is adhd/add /aspergers and Ibabysat him for awhile. She told me then to watch for fire as alot of adhd can be pyromiacs. It seems there is some correlation and she usually can back up what she tells me with data. She said that the fire issue as in flames fascinate their brain and slow it down that is why they are attracted to fires. Her son lit a fire in his other babysitters dryer exhaust vent and one in a basement window ell and one in his room as well.

On the other side alot of little boys like fire , alot of kids act up at formal things like weddings too. They get bored by all our adult rituals. I guess that is why god made babysitters.

When I was 7 I burnt the laundry almost to cinders as a child - I got a belting for this but went on to do much more. I was fascinated with fire and after this incident I would start little fires under our house and pretend I was camping . I enjoyed the fear of the possibility of it getting out of control, it was a thrill. (scary stuff)

I loved fire in my 20's also, and would just love a reason to get a 40 gallon drum fill it full of pine cones and watch it go up.

I burnt the local bush to cinders, after some cane caught fire, from my 'camp fire' once again. And I thought it was fascinating and brilliant, I did not feel guilty.

My father burnt his house down as a child too.

I am over this now - thank God!

But it is a serious thing, and I would very much agree with Krobb and take your son to the fire station and get him an education.

Knowledge is an amazing thing, kids need a reason not to do things. They have plenty of reasons to do things, just not enough information about why it should not be done.

Rae7038299.7150347222

My sister has a AdHD 16 yr old that was stealing and getting into things like makeup and clothes andmothers jewelry. Come to find out that the kid just has a keen fashion sense and when her brothers young 22 yr old wife came into the picture they started swapping and borrowing. That ended that problem. The sweets is a normal thing...heck my hubby still does that. He knows all my good hiding places. I dont eat alot of sweets so it is sometimes hard for me to understand but I think it is a normal thing for a kids to do especially when we have to structure their lives as much as we do with the adhd.

My 10 year old has an incredible sweet tooth. I think he can smell sugar a mile away! Contrary to what some folks have experienced, I don't think it contributes to any of his hyper active behaviors. In fact I have often wondered if his craving for sugar is a form of self medication. That is, the sugar "rush" may be mildly stimulating and actually help him feel more focused. Anyone have any thoughts about this?

I want to thank you all for your input and suggestions. I have tried to incorporate some of them into our everyday life. I also have another question. PLEASE no flaming me! I am just looking for some input.

This same 13 yr old child went with us to a family wedding this weekend. He and his 12 yr old cousin were behaving fairly well, considering that there wasn't anything there for them to do. They started acting up after we had been there for an hour. After we got home, my younger son came and told me that his brother had stolen some matches off of the table at the wedding and showed me where they were hidden. There were 25 books of matches in his top drawer. His cousin had also taken some and hidden them in his suitcase. When the cousin was asked why he took them, he said he wanted to start a fire in his front yard. My son was much more vague when asked.

I haven't punished him for this because, frankly, I don't quite know what approach to take. I haven't told his dad about this particular incident yet, because he was so angry at the way they were acting at the wedding and wanted to take the belt to him. My husband has said many times that if it weren't for me objecting to corporal punishment, the kids would not get away with as much as they do. I have also felt like taking the strap to my 13 yr old, as nothing else seems to work.

Again, please no flaming, just input and suggestions. Thanks in advance.

Why would we flame you?

You definately described a problem that can have far greater ramifications that your son probably realizes. I wouldn't necessarily classify it as stealing as the matches were put there for the taking, but maybe you and your hubby could sit down and help him understand the seriousness of fires and burns.

Doing this certainly depends on your child and how you feel he would react, but this technique scared the crap out my son. We actually bought a cheap turkey pan and had a lesson on fire, how it moves (uphill, downhill, around water, etc), how it behaves, how you can put it out, etc. We also took him over to the local fire station and the firemen were GREAT. They sat down and talked about different kinds of fires, and showed him examples of the damage that can occur. As a result, my son made some new friends and learned a new respect for fire. It was good for us, but you may want to think about your sons reaction before you take such steps.

Apart from that, I would find another punishment for your sons overall behaviour at the wedding. Keep it separate from the matches, and make sure he understands that his behaviour was unacceptable and embarrassing for all of you.
krobb38299.5063773148stealing and lying and cheating is not just an adhd trait but i do agree that i done it a lot more than others in school. and i'm teh least person you'd expect to steal and cheat. I appeared as an angel to people

My son has also been sneaking junkfood. The other day I caught him with 5 snack pack bags of oreos, 3 minature hersey bars, a few airheads and a bag of m&m's in his backpack to take to school. (this was after halloween that is why there was so much junk in the house). I assume he was just going to munch on it all day at school. He is a poor eater anyway and very picky so I have to limit the junk. I am not sure what to do about it either. I yell, take priveleges away and he still sneaks. I wish things were normal.

Sarriaki,

I can understand where youare coming from on both accounts. My son is a bit younger than yours, and so is my daughter. They both have ADHD. My son was the one that liked to mess with fire, and see what it would do (he is 9). Last summer, he had matches, and was in our shed with them and an empty gas can - you can imagine the horror that went through my mind. He also had more matches at another point, and was playing with them in his room with a bunch of paper from school - he shoved it into his closet when dad came because he smelt smoke - we are thankful that we still have a son and a house for that matter. What we did with him is took him to the Fire Department. They showed him a video of a kids who played with matches, andwas obsessed with fire - the kids was severely burnt - could not tell he was the same kid. We sat down with the Fireman, and went through a lot of things that our son could do in the home to be our "fire chief". Worked very well - our son now tells us where matches or lighters are, and he does not touch them - when he tells us, we respond immediately, and go and remove the item. We have worked an evacuation plan and a lot of good has come out of it - fortunately.

My daughter who is 10, is the one who seeks out the sweets. She continually empties the sugar holder on a bowl of cereal, wants candy every night for dessert etc. We have her candy in our bedroom from Halloween, and she is constantly on us to get it for her. She too took from our room, so we have a lock on our door now (she stole some money from dad's wallet) - However, keeping the candy from her did not help - she proceeded to sneak my baking chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc. Just yesterday she proceeded to take a LARGE Hershey bar which I use to make fudge to school with her - why - because she wanted to, she wanted some candy. I am doing a lot of reading on ADHD and different ways we as parents can help. One thing that hit me last night as I was reading the book "Ritalin Free Kids" - as parents, we try our hardest to understand, and make sure we are doing the right thing for our children. We make sure we really emphasize the importance of morals, and good behavior having our children work hard to try and stay in control, and not go bonkers. I think - and I am not speaking for everyone - that I know ,yself and my husband are trying so hard to make sure we have everything covered for the kids that we do not stop and put ourselves in our son's or daughters shoes. We do not take a look at everything from their eyes. On how they feel when we are continually asking them to do the same thing over and over again, or how they feel when their teacher seems mad at them because they are flat bored in class, and when they are asked a question, they don't know the answer right off because they were daydreaming. They are smart children, who get bored and need more stimulation in class than they are getting and more thant the school systems are even willing to offer. Anyway, I could go on and on about this - All I can say I guess is let your children know that you are trying to understand where they are coming from even if they forget what you said within the next five minutes. I have not figured out what to do about the sweets, but best of luck and if I do figure it out, I will be sure to post.

Thanks for the input. I will definitely go to our local fire station and arrange a visit for both of my boys.