Have I glimpsed the future? | ADHD Information

I feel better reading your posts! Thank you!


I recently started subbing in our school district. (I was a middle school
teacher 10 years ago and have been home with my kids all that time.)
Anyway, I subbed in our middle school and was appalled by some of the
students' behavior. They were rude, disrespectful and basically thugs.
Now, I know they act up more when a sub is in the class, and this was at
the end of the day and only a couple of kids were being a handful, but
still. I came home in shell shock.

Most of the students were great, but a couple is all it takes to upset
order. Anyway, I became very worried about my kindergartener! She has
ADHD, and all I could think of was what if she turns out like this??? Now,
we are a happy, stable family who puts a premium on education,
probably unlike these other students' families. Still, I clamped down on
my dd last night when I saw some defiant behavior at bed time...she had
to go straight to bed, no music, books or anything. I am so concerned
that if she isn't the ringleader, she may very well find antics of disruptive
students to be something to aspire to!


First off - congrats on being a sub! As the wife of a high school teacher, I
am so grateful for the work subs do - it is such a hard job, with virtually
no respect - but those of us who have teachers in our lives know what a
blessing it is to have you there watching our backs!

Middle school...well, isn't middle school the pits? If I remember right 7th
and 8th grade was full of thugs back 20 odd years ago when I was a
middle schooler. There was this trend of "ragging" on people, this verbal
bullying that was so prevalent then. Ugly ugly behavior.

Maybe it is worse now, but I'm not sure I'd generalize too much. I think a
lot depends on the community's culture - my daughter goes to school in
different district from where my dh teaches, so we see very different
attitudes, enough to be pretty sure that nothing is universal.

I do think that some real changes have affected this generation though -
the internet mostly. Hence the ability to create a sort of alter ego front
and to find a "clan" online that will support a range of interests/behaviors
- a mixed blessing - and it may be hard for a teen or preteen to discern
whether they're being encouraged to be their best - or their worst in this
sort of medium.

Those are challenges for all parents though, not just us with ADHDers. I
think that you, being aware of the challenges and alert to your daughter's
needs and weaknesses are going to fare ok. I suspect that denial is one
of the worst dangers to any parent of a teen/preteen.I wouldn't worry too much. I think we parents sometimes worry so much about potential problems that never come to pass.
I know I worried a lot about my daughter entering middle school. She's having a great year!! She's doing well academically and is very happy socially. I worried about her handling switching classes and having different teachers. It actually seems to suit her better than being in one teacher's classroom all day. She didn't have social problems before, but this year she has a really great group of friends. We sent her to a charter school that specializes in the arts and she really seems to fit in well with the "artsy" kids that go there. She does complain some about some obnoxious boys who are always getting in trouble, but no big deal. I've even told her that these boys may have difficulty with impulsiveness and to try to be kind.
Of course nothing is perfect, but the bottom line is I did all that worrying for nothing.
I've seen posts from others whose kids actually seem to do better in middle school too. Go figure!
I bet if you just continue doing your best for your child, she will be fine. There may be bumps in the road, but you will find a way to overcome.
my daughter is doing better in middle school than elementary. Cant get ONE abd teacher for the most part, you have lots, so if one's tough, it's only one class. Socially she is holding her own and there's not a lot of trying to "get along with everyone", everyone sort of starts to do their thing. She's learnign what she enjoys and what she doesn't. She also talks baout the trouble kids, but it certainly doesnt influence her. She tells me all the girls who wear shorts too short for the dress code, and tank tops too skinny, kids who get caught chewing gum and the kids are skipping school. Every time she tells me one of these stories, I tell her proud I am of her that she knows better and that there will always be kids (and adults) who dont follow the rules, and then they pay the consequences for that, like detention or not being allowed at dances, and that the consequences as an adult are there too.I don't know if this will help you, but we were rude, disrespectful and thuggish with subs back in the 80's.  I can't tell you how often the Spanish teacher at my school cried because of the kids' behavior, and yet we have a lot of successful and well-adjusted people who graduated from my school district. 

Middle school is a horrible time for so many kids and they are trying to figure out a pecking order and impress each other, even if it means dissing the sub.  Your daughter will be fine.