the future for kids on meds | ADHD Information

as an adult ADDer --- i would say keeping UP the level of self-esteem would be a key factor (which is where meds help a lot too) but also really, really, really, really trying to focus on what the child LOVES or has any kind of natural ability/instinct/predilection is what i believe is the MOST important thing. 

regardless of whether it fits the parents ideal or not! lots of parents want their children to be what they think would be right for them - according to their own expectations as to what is good and those of society/teachers.  i think parents do ADDer children a huge disservice if they try to push them into something that is not natural for them.  i think it is ESSENTIAL, for an Adder child to succeed, that he/she is motivated and enthused by a love of what they are doing.  and that means the parent has to learn to let go of their own expectations and support that child in their strength regardless of how society may or may not see it as a "worthwhile" thing.

taking people like Bill Gates or Richard Branson for example --- they left college without graduating - (these are all things which 'normals' sometimes think to be the end of the world) but they left them to pursue stuff they loved.  computers (bill gates) and music business (Richard Branson).

as long as an ADDer is enthused - i think there is nothing they can't do and in a certain way even if they fail (in financial terms maybe) it is still not a failure because they are doing what they love and if they are REALLY doing what they love and are true to it - then like Van Gogh they may have no success within their lifetime but their life's work is still a success...  even if they don't get to profit from it.

my little niece is an ADDer but she loves horses (way, way, way beyond the usual girly thing of loving ponies - borderline obsessive) and she is very bright too - gifted - but my sister says "if she wants to be a riding school teacher, i am all for it".

which, personally, i think is a great attitude to have.  my niece is exceptionally bright and gifted but if she WANTS to be a riding school teacher and live off the tiny pay that that life offers - then fantastic.  and fantastic of my sister to support her in that --- and in the weird way that these things go, if an ADDer is supported in what they really ought or want to do she will probably manage to turn it somehow into some weird, incredibly successful career!!!  but even if she doesn't --- it doesn't matter as long as she is doing what is right for her.

i think the key thing for all ADDers is to try as early as possible to find that thing that inspires them.  then you're sorted!  after that they'll motivate themselves to do it because they love it.  at that point, the meds have the best effect because they can use them to do the "executive function" bits that otherwise would hinder them and be an obstacle. 

i think so many ADDers don't do what they love because they are so discouraged by a 'normals' outlook that can't see the value in what they want to do anymore and therefore they begin to doubt themselves --- so they compromise and it is a disaster!

i have an ADDer friend who wanted to be a dancer and his parents were dead set against it --- hugely.  his father felt that he hadn't worked all his life trying to give his son a good education and opportunities for him to throw it all away on some poofy-dancing rubbish that no-one would ever credit.  they put every sort of emotional blackmail on him but fortunately he was strong enough to do what he wanted to do regardless and NOW, of course, as he has EMMYs and awards coming out of his ears for both his dance and choreography and works with top film directors is feted left right and centre in the dance world - is an extremely well known personality in Europe (and the States - but more of a 'known' face in Europe -- to the extent that he advertises products on the TV as a personality) --- now, of course, he is the apple of his parents eye!

his brother, who is also ADD, also gifted as a young child - incredibly high IQ never quite managed to break away from what his parents wanted --- he, in fact, wanted to study to be a Buddhist monk (which as a Jewish child again was not to his parents liking!) but instead of having the guts to go with his feelings and trust in his ADD he went to study medicine as they wished - but then dropped out of college and then sort of compromised by trying to look into chinese sorts of medicine --- and to be honest his life is a disaster, he is supported by his wife as he sort-of-tries to make a go of his chinese/alternative healing medicine career with very few patients.  he is unhappy and frustrated and feels a whole load of wasted talent (which you can almost palpably SEE)....  his marriage is not happy either and the whole of his life is just a mess - just a compromised mess.

he should have had the guts to do what he wanted --- but i think he felt the pressure of his elder brother having gone off (and, at that time, disappointed the parents altho he is now the GOLDEN boy and the great success but it took a few years obviously) and he didn't have the courage or the self-esteem or the support to do it.

he is not doing what he wants - everything is half-cocked.  he is not happy with his job or his marriage (despite the fact his wife is lovely) or his life but he can't go backwards and he can't motivate himself to change anything either or even to improve anything and he becomes unpleasant to his wife with it because he is not doing what he ought!  i just think it is a waste trying to impose what would be "normals" happiness on to an ADDer.  i just don't think it works.

it's my own weird point of view and probably lots may not agree with me but i think ADDers aren't happy being normals - they have to be themselves and when they are --- they can really flourish!  otherwise they just pretend to be happy - or try not to be completely miserable and put their best foot forward...  but it doesn't work, it's a waste.  whereas normals would see my neice (with her prodigious brain) a waste becoming a riding school teacher - i see it the opposite way round.  it is vital for an ADDer to do what they are passionate about regardless of money, status or whatever society temporarily imposes as 'important' or 'sensible'.

anyway - ADD is such a vast diagnosis and covers so many different aspects - it just depends on the individual child.  how tough it can be to be a parent! --- i even find myself completely lacerated on behalf of my nieces and nephews i can't imagine as a parent.  ow.
Its very reassuring to hear so many success stories from so many people on the site with first hand knowledge.  I constantly question whether I am doing the right thing for my children.  It's especially difficult when you hear from all those that need to put their two cents in, that kids dont need meds, just better parenting, and some discipline.  I see my teenage ADHD son so unmotivated....and nothing phases him.   His grades are horrible, and he doesnt care, and that worries me. Maybe its just him going through a teenage phase(I hope anyway), but its eased my mind a bit,  knowing that there are many successful adults out there, and that being on meds helped them achieve their goals.  Thanks for all your input!

I've also recently read that newest studies show that kids who are medicated and continue their medication are less likely to abuse drugs later in life.  I think there are so many factors that rule into whether a person decides to use drugs or not...and I have actually put this fear at ease.  No, not to rest...we're parents, we'll always worry about our kids.  I do the same thing about my son...he's 5 years old right now and I find myself, usually on bad days, wondering what his future holds.  It's hard to look much into the future when you're dealing with such things at the present moment.  I also have other children who do not have ADHD or anything else...they are teenagers, my oldest being 17.  I wonder if my 5 year old will be anything like my older kids.  Friends, sports, prom, getting his drivers license, etc.  lol 

I think we advocate, stay involved, love our kids and teach them all we can and things will be ok!!!!  :-)

K7Kate39549.705

chjones:  

Personally, I have always felt split between choosing what I wanted to pursue versus what society thinks; even my parents had a split outlook - encouraged sibs and I to be individuals, yet really wanted us all to pursue college careers, not other avenues.

Right now, my DS really wants to start votech school; multiple times, I have heard advice from others to discourage him from this but my husband and I are letting him pursue this.  Also, I bit my tongue when my older child decided to major in psychology in college; again, others advised how difficult that career path would be (that is, if you did not have a doctor's degree they said) but we did not discourage her.  However, she has since changed her major (not from social pressure, I don't think, but because she found that was not the right path for her).

You made some very good points!

I have 3 with ADHD, and in order to not get overwhelmed, I try so hard to take it one day at a time.  Lately though, I am worrying myself into a frenzy about my children and their futures...... Does anyone have any experiences to share about children in teenage years and older with ADHD?  I know that I will not have as much control (I chuckle as I say that) over them later on in life as I do now.  I hear both sides of the story about keeping kids on meds........They are more likely to abuse other substances if they are on meds now/they are more likely to seek stimulation from drugs if they are not on meds.....and it really scares me.  I dont want my kids to grow up to be job hoppers, drug users, and irresponsible adults.   I may be worrying prematurely, but I am so afraid for the worst! I do not have any experience with older kids with adhd.  But I do not believe meds or the lack of meds is the only reason a person would do drugs.  I think it is a combination of things and not one thing that does it.  I too wonder about the future of my kids, but I hope with the help they are getting now will help them in the future. 

I have an almost 14 year old who has been on meds for 5 years and we do not plan to go off them anytime soon. A couple of things. Unmedicated she'd be a mess. Adolesence is HARD enough. I am trying to just keep her happy and to fit in as best we can for now.

 I think all parents worry, but we worry MORE. mostly because our kids need us so much more. Just keep doing what you're doing. With you're guidance and support they are going to have the best chance to succeed. That said, no one wants their child to grow up into an irresponsible adult. BUT as we all know there are lots of them out there and it happens. You wont be able to control everything always (unfortunately), but by leading a good example and being supportive they have a great chance. There are plenty of non ADHD drug addicts out there (I have a cousin who is one and it is quite sad). It has nothing to do with ADHD or ADHD meds, she just IS what/who she IS.

Wagst5,

  I'm waving to you.  I have adhd as does my dh 2 of my 3 kids and 4 of my 8 gks.  Yes, there is a future for adhders.

   As kids mature, they learn ways to compensate for their adhd symptoms.  IE: I am a list maker, I double check everything, etc.

   One of my adhd children is a radiologist, and one is a coporate VP for a communications company.  My dh is a machinist and EMT. I'm a retired nurse and retired EMT.  I also have  a degree in elem. edu with a minor in speech and hearing.  I now work as an intake worker for a local mental health agency.

 My bil [adhder] was the pres. of an international union.

  My oldest gs is 14 and has been on adhd meds since age 4.  He knows that he needs his meds and that he functions better with them than without[tried skipping them a couple of times with disasterous results] He also has asperger's syndrome, but has made huge strides   He  is an A-  highschool student. He has made friends[finally] and has a pretty good social life.

  He doesn't understand why anyone would want to abuse drugs.  When one has to take medication to help maintain normalcy, why would one want to screw his head up deliberately?

  He still has problems with impulsivity and I will probably delay his getting his driver's licence until he is 18.[that darned immaturity thing]

Adhd has probably always existed.  We just didn't have a name for it.  Many of those very bright highschool dropouts were probably undxed adhders. Treating the problem and  making proper accomodations for  our kids is very important.  Having adhd isn't an excuse for anything.  It is who we are. And, yah, we can and do excel.  The future belongs to those who grab the reins.  The creativity and ingenuity of adhders will help them secure the lead.

Hi,