8th grade - how much help w/ organization | ADHD Information

My son is about to start the last year before high school at an academically challenging private school where he is getting mostly As and Bs but often feels eclipsed by classmates who do better even though he is just as bright. I believe he would be top of his class if not for ADHD but this is probably more important to me than it is to him. These are some of the smartest kids around and he is just as smart and talented but loses papers, gets marked down for missing homework, loses focus etc. At the end of last year, he took his first finals, one of which consisted of studying the 30 quizzes they took all year. He had 11 of them. It was news to me that he even needed to save them, although I'm sure he was told. My question is, should I expect more from the school in terms of helping him or just let it go? Should I be proud he is doing well against such stiff competition? Should I help him organize himself this year or let him go it alone? Of course, he wants to do everything himself as he no longer needs a mother! (I did buy him a desktop filing system and suggested he never throw away a single thing.) When do you let go? This is so timely for me.

Last year, my son was in 6th grade and entered
middle school. All year, I had to keep him organized.
I also wrote to teachers, went through his backpack,
and wrote reminders. He is open to all the help.

I had hoped that this year would be different, but I
don't think it will be.

My question is: Am I enabling him? Would he learn
to be organized if he knew that he was on his own?
How will he manage when he has to be on his own?
I can't be doing this forever.

I would really appreciate any thoughts.

No, I do not believe you are. I am teaching my son by setting him up with his organization strategy. He will follow this for years to come.

My son is also in 7th grade and 12 yrs old.

Your son would NOT learn it on his own, that is why you are his teacher. He is learning as you are doing this. I posted a very similar response up above.

We had a great set of 6th grade teachers that pretty much set the kids up with their supply list to buy. they wanted different color binder for each subject with folders inside each of them, as well as tab dividers to seperate materials, again in each seperate subject.

We then had a main binder, the biggest one and best quality one, that was carried to ALL classes. In this main binder was his homework buddies info, a folder for homework to do, and homework that was done. It was carried in ALL classes.

We are doing this and revising it to make it work again this year. 7th grade I have been told is very hard. The teachers pretty much let the kids sink or swim. We are going to swim. Also, my son was involved with the decisions for his set up of these binders so they will work for HIM. He had some ideas which we implemented which is a great start.

My son is severe adhd. On both concerta 90 mg and guanfacine 1 mg. He couldn't make it through a day successfully without his meds. He is hyper and impulsive.

Please let me know if I can be of any further help. We are all in this together!!

My son (8th grade) also has organizational issues, and losing papers, or not saving ones that he needed.  I had it written into his 504 plan that teachers will "assist" with organization and tell him which papers he needs to save, etc.  I actually have a meeting with his new teaching team today.  I also try to help him LEARN to be organized -- I don't DO the organization for him.  It seems to be helping.  He's much better this year than last so far. I agree with the others here: Help him organize as much as possible. Like Bethann said, I believe this helps teach them organization skills. They certainly don't learn how to organize if left to continually lose and forget things and be penalized for it.
I would also talk to the school/teachers and remind them of his issues with organization, stemming from ADHD. (Are they aware of his diagnosis?) I would ask for a plan to help him with organization skills and to help him work to his full potential. That is the whole point of making accommodations--allowing the child to make full use of their potential. Just a little better communication from the school could have allowed you to know that your son was supposed to keep those quizzes so that you could remind him. If, however, you don't get too far with the school, I would try not to stress about it too much since your son is obviously doing well. Just do what you can to help him do his best. Will he stay at this school for HS?
My daughter is also in eighth grade. I help her organize alot and she gets some help from her charter school. I go through her backpack every day, ask lots of questions and give lots of reminders, sit with her and help with homework, and start emailing teachers when needed. I'm lucky that my DD is very easy-going and is still happy to let her mother interfere in her life!
Best of luck!

[QUOTE=BETHANN]

 I will also always check in with them and ask how things are going and if they need any further help.

[/QUOTE] I agree with your philosophy on this, Bethann!
Thanks everyone for all the great advice on organizing an 8th grader. I do always check in with him and ask to help but have stopped short of actually going through the backpack as he feels it's intrusive. I was thinking of reaching out to each teacher - he has 7! and just saying that this is a reminder that he is vastly improving but will still have organizational issues and will need some help. With specifics of how to help, of course, because last year one teacher thought that teasing him in front of the class in a friendly/joking way was the right approach. WRONG!  I was thinking of saying that if there are specific things he will need to keep track of for your class, such as quizzes, handouts, old homeworks, if you could give me an idea of what to save that would be helpful...

Other thoughts here appreciated. I think because this is private school they are not trained in IEPs etc but are willing to help. Ignorance is the biggest challenge to overcome - they really don't seem to know how to help.

I am planning on using some of the things that the 6th grade teachers did last year. The one thing that I am definetely doing again is having 1 binder for information. He will put all his "done" homework as well as his "to do" homework in this one. He will have a plastic folder in each binder, including this, to put any information for the subject in. He also has other information in this binder, but it is seperate from the other 5 binders for math, science, social, etc.

He carries "this binder" to all classes, along with the one needed for that class he is going to.

We also remove all his "done" work from the folder every Friday. I keep all his work until the end of the semester and then stick it in a closet until the year ends. This way we can go back and look for "something" just in case -

This worked great last year, as well as using seperate colors for each subject. It began the organization process for us since last year was his first year in Middle school.

I hope this helps others.

My daughter will be starting 7th grade.   Organization can be a challenge for her.   I'd give him any help he is willing to accept.

Last year and I hope to continue it this year - her homeroom teacher would help her go through her binder/expander.  They would organize and look for missing papers.   She was more willing to accept help from her teachers.

Another note - they need to find an organizational system that works for them. Some kids like binders, other expanders and other folders.   What works for you might not work for him.  

My son is entering 7th grade today. I will ALWAYS help keep him organized. He LEARNS from me doing this with him. It helps HIM keep himself organized at school, where I can't help him. I honestly believe he did a great job last year in his first year at middle school. I was proud of him.

I can help outside the classroom, but inside, he is on his own. He takes what works for him with him there and does it himself. We are doing this together, I am not doing it for him. He is definetely involved. What you are doing is helping your son's future as well!!

I don't know when I plan on ever letting go of my children. I will always help them. I think that makes them independent. It is the start of the building blocks for them going forward. And then they can help themselves. I will also always check in with them and ask how things are going and if they need any further help.

I think I would be doing this even if there wasn't adhd involved. It is my job as a parent.

And my son saves everything until the end of the year, which helps as well. He is a saver to the point he doesn't want to get rid of anything. It is a safety net I believe for him.

Please let us know how your son is making out!!

I don't have a middle school child, but I don't think you can stop helping with organization. I would expect more from the school. I would try to help him organize in a diplomatic way.